Of course I didn't heed any of the expert's advice, and went on a global quest. The clues I had fell into the not helpful category. Atlantis did appear during my search, but since I wasn't looking for that, I didn't pay it much attention. Now I can't remember where it was. Twenty years of my life, and my investor's fortunes were wasted in search of a fountain that may not even exist. If I could have found it, I could have returned those lost years. I would make sure this time I stayed awake in math class, and I would not run in a forward direction with scissors in my hand. Thanks to my discovery, I was able to understand that it is possible to run with scissors in your hand if you run backward. This becomes even more safe when you do it wearing the Wu-Tang inspired AcMo Neck Protector.
The discovery was not the fountain of youth, but a much better fountain. The title has already given up the surprise, so the only suspense I can maintain is the location of this marvelous fountain. My relief from finding it after all of these years was brief. The fountain comes with a high price. Drink and become wise, but you will die within minutes of leaving the fountain. That was information I would have liked moments before drinking from it. I would not have consumed the water if I had noticed the label and expiration date on it.
They warned me this could happen. I think they all even said guaranteed failure. I stocked the plane full of survival gear for this exact scenario. The only problem was that I had to jump out of it miles before we had reached the landing strip. All I was able to grab was a package of gummy bears, my sat phone, waterproof lighter, and rope. And a parachute, of course.
I didn't think this would happen. I thought the others were trying to scare me so I wouldn't succeed where they had failed. I should have taken their warnings under advisement instead of just saying I would take their warnings under advisement. I was foolish, and I almost paid the price of losing Internet access forever. It should be clear by now that I survived this ordeal or I would not be able to share the harrowing tale with you today.
There I was, lost, cold, short on supplies, and not a bit wiser. The thought of being exiled for the remainder of my existence next to a stupid fountain in the middle of nowhere was terrifying. I didn't have Internet access, my gummy bears were running low, and my sat phone couldn't get a signal. No one would know what happened to me. I could feel my growing fear seizing control of my thoughts, and my body. Breathing became difficult, my field of vision blurred, and then began to shrink to a pinhole. My palms started sweating. I was in bad shape. What I needed was to hydrate, but where could I get water? Oh yeah, there's a fountain right next to me with an unlimited supply of water. In my panic I reached for what I thought was life support, and drank more water.
Several minutes later it dawned on me that I had consumed even more water from the fountain of wisdom without realizing it. The water had a hint of a berry flavor to it, without any bitter aftertaste. There wasn't a nutritional label, but I am confident it didn't contain any sugar, and is a zero calorie drink. My panicked state impacted my ability to think. I had consumed at least a gallon from the fountain, but I didn't feel any different. After surveying the area, I knew I had to make provisions to make my new home more habitable.
I began by building a small hut using my parachute for a temporary roof to protect myself from the elements and any poisonous animals/insects. I didn't have any bug spray, so I did the next best thing: I created a sign that banned any bugs from entering my hut without my express written permission. Now that I had my shelter created, I was going to need food. I created several simple traps using the rope, some adhesive that had fallen out of the plane with me, and small amounts of bait scattered in the area. Dinner would not be complete without a salad, so I used the best foliage I could find to make one. I even found some non-lethal berries that worked well as a topping. If only I had thought to pack salad dressing. I found loose sticks in the area to use to build a small fire in the pit I had made with my hands. Before building the fire I had to catch something to eat.
The traps would do their job, but I was going to need a pot to cook my food. I noticed there were some soft rocks around the fountain, so I grabbed a larger one and began to shape it with another rock. I had a usable stone pot for the fire pit after several hours of work. It's a shame I couldn't bill for that work.
I fell asleep from exhaustion with the fluctuating flames bouncing waves of heat off of me while waiting for the traps to fill. I had such a strange dream that I can't remember now, but it startled me from my slumber. I had forgotten where I was and panicked after waking in these unfamiliar surroundings. Everything looked different after I had regained my senses. The air felt calmer, my situation didn't seem as isolated or dire, and the sky was clear and beautiful. Then it hit me: I knew how to leave this place without dying.
I didn't think this would happen. I thought the others were trying to scare me so I wouldn't succeed where they had failed. I should have taken their warnings under advisement instead of just saying I would take their warnings under advisement. I was foolish, and I almost paid the price of losing Internet access forever. It should be clear by now that I survived this ordeal or I would not be able to share the harrowing tale with you today.
There I was, lost, cold, short on supplies, and not a bit wiser. The thought of being exiled for the remainder of my existence next to a stupid fountain in the middle of nowhere was terrifying. I didn't have Internet access, my gummy bears were running low, and my sat phone couldn't get a signal. No one would know what happened to me. I could feel my growing fear seizing control of my thoughts, and my body. Breathing became difficult, my field of vision blurred, and then began to shrink to a pinhole. My palms started sweating. I was in bad shape. What I needed was to hydrate, but where could I get water? Oh yeah, there's a fountain right next to me with an unlimited supply of water. In my panic I reached for what I thought was life support, and drank more water.
Several minutes later it dawned on me that I had consumed even more water from the fountain of wisdom without realizing it. The water had a hint of a berry flavor to it, without any bitter aftertaste. There wasn't a nutritional label, but I am confident it didn't contain any sugar, and is a zero calorie drink. My panicked state impacted my ability to think. I had consumed at least a gallon from the fountain, but I didn't feel any different. After surveying the area, I knew I had to make provisions to make my new home more habitable.
I began by building a small hut using my parachute for a temporary roof to protect myself from the elements and any poisonous animals/insects. I didn't have any bug spray, so I did the next best thing: I created a sign that banned any bugs from entering my hut without my express written permission. Now that I had my shelter created, I was going to need food. I created several simple traps using the rope, some adhesive that had fallen out of the plane with me, and small amounts of bait scattered in the area. Dinner would not be complete without a salad, so I used the best foliage I could find to make one. I even found some non-lethal berries that worked well as a topping. If only I had thought to pack salad dressing. I found loose sticks in the area to use to build a small fire in the pit I had made with my hands. Before building the fire I had to catch something to eat.
The traps would do their job, but I was going to need a pot to cook my food. I noticed there were some soft rocks around the fountain, so I grabbed a larger one and began to shape it with another rock. I had a usable stone pot for the fire pit after several hours of work. It's a shame I couldn't bill for that work.
I fell asleep from exhaustion with the fluctuating flames bouncing waves of heat off of me while waiting for the traps to fill. I had such a strange dream that I can't remember now, but it startled me from my slumber. I had forgotten where I was and panicked after waking in these unfamiliar surroundings. Everything looked different after I had regained my senses. The air felt calmer, my situation didn't seem as isolated or dire, and the sky was clear and beautiful. Then it hit me: I knew how to leave this place without dying.
I did the only thing I could, I uprooted the fountain and brought it with me down the mountain. It now resides in a secret lab in AcMo headquarters, which is why I don't like to leave the building. Some of you might be wondering why I don't take the fountain with me, or bottle the water and carry it so I can leave without fear of misfortune. I tried both of those options, but the fountain is too heavy to carry long distances on a regular basis. I only did it that one time because I didn't want to die alone on the top of that mountain. How would that look? The bottled water would have worked I think, but the last time I tried that I forgot it was fountain of wisdom water and drank it all while I was at the mall. I almost didn't make it back to AcMo before the curse got me. For now, I stay close to the fountain while I examine the molecular structure of it and the water to determine the source of its power. These were two of the many things I couldn't do before drinking the water.
This stuff does make one wise. Who wants some? My new wisdom turbocharged AcMo's development. That's one of the reasons our corporate culture is built upon speed. I'm in the process of restructuring operations to optimize my amplified multi-tasking capability, and taking this opportunity to reduce the workforce to eliminate redundancies and maximize profits. The fountain of wisdom opened many new doors to me. A lot of the most recent AcMo innovations are a direct result of this fountain and its magical water. I feel as if I see everything now, and even more so when I wear my neck protector.
This stuff does make one wise. Who wants some? My new wisdom turbocharged AcMo's development. That's one of the reasons our corporate culture is built upon speed. I'm in the process of restructuring operations to optimize my amplified multi-tasking capability, and taking this opportunity to reduce the workforce to eliminate redundancies and maximize profits. The fountain of wisdom opened many new doors to me. A lot of the most recent AcMo innovations are a direct result of this fountain and its magical water. I feel as if I see everything now, and even more so when I wear my neck protector.
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