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Sunday, April 27, 2014

Contextual Confusion

A weekend of tranquil reflection was halted by the temerity of Monday when it showed up unannounced and unwelcome and then refused to leave for 23 hours. This interruption brought back the disturbing memory of a dark Monday I experienced a few weeks ago. I can't go into all of the details due to pending litigation, but I can apply broad strokes to illustrate the scenario.

I doubt I'm being sensational when I say that most people who use email have experienced a scam perpetrated via a compromised account of a friend or acquaintance. By now, those same people should be skilled in interpreting these rogue communications for what they are.  My studies indicate the opposite.  While I have several promising investments marinating with Nigerian royalty, most of the suckers go wrong by dealing with normal Nigerians instead. I won't do business with anyone in the royal Nigerian hierarchy lower than a princess. Expect a future post documenting my two thousand percent return in six months. 

There are times when friends or loved ones are traveling overseas and need to use email to communicate. When you want to ensure your communications have not been compromised, and be clever, incorporate a safe word or phrase to indicate a legitimate message sent under duress. The safe word or phrase needs to stand out, but not be too obvious to alert any outside observers.  It shouldn't be too regular either. Pro tip:  do *NOT* use any safe words or phrases I recommend. My experience should explain why.

A friend recently traveled overseas for a few weeks. We worked out a safe phrase, which was, "the winter flower festival is vibrant In color and breathtaking in beauty."  I congratulated myself for being so, so clever and thinking ahead in case of emergency.  If you aren't your number one cheerleader, who will be?  There is an unspoken dark side if you become too confident in your own abilities. My friend complimented me on my phrase, and didn't say anything else. We thought we were ready. I suppose Napoleon thought he was ready for the battle of Waterloo also. That didn't end well for him. 

Perhaps we were pre-destined to fail since I didn't even know where my friend was traveling, and he left all the strategic planning to me. I did not do any research on the location. Our phrase was a disaster. The region my friend was visiting was celebrating their annual flower festival during the duration of his stay. 

Imagine my dismay when the first email I received mentioned those flowers, and more or less repeated our safe phrase. Due to the pending litigation I referenced I'm not permitted to share his exact words. 

I couldn't believe my friend had only just arrived, and had already been kidnapped.  It was apparent that he had been tricked--probably by the promise of candy--into leaving the airport in a rogue cab. From there, the hostage takers probably took him to a secluded spot to bind, gag, and drop him in the trunk. I could only imagine what horrible things were happening to him. 

I did what any rational person would do:   I panicked. I called the state department and informed them of the situation. I was told they would look into it, and that I should try to maintain contact with my friend. They also told me to solicit any and all actionable intell I could. 

I sent seven emails that first hour. Each one more desperate than the previous. I imagined my friend was being held hostage in a basement somewhere, and I was going to have to channel my inner Liam Neeson to rescue him.  Did I even have that capability?  I was about to find the answer. 

I went to work procuring items I would need to stage my rescue:  passport, cash (lots of cash), gummy bears (helps maintain focus), satellite phone, Sam Fisher sneaking suit (Google it), night vision goggles, and a quality book to read on the long flight in case of insomnia. 

The prep work interfered with my primary mission to rescue my friend. I was unaware that emails kept arriving with pics illustrating his travel adventures and the flower parade. Wait a moment, a flower parade?!  What were the odds?  We had made a colossal mistake when choosing our safe phrase. 

Spoiler alert: my friend was fine. 

I was a tad embarrassed when I had to call the State Department to explain my mistake. I bet this kind of communication error never happens at the Agency--you know which one I mean. I'm keeping all the gear though. It may be useful in another capacity soon. 




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