AcMo: The Fun Generator

I don't have a need to prove my intellect. It does a good job of that all on its own. I don't build businesses because I want to crush the competition, no that is just a happy side effect of my conglomerate building enterprises. I don't need to prove my business acumen gleaned from not reading my trash bin sourced textbooks either. I'm building a business empire because it's fun. If you can't have fun, what's the point? Life is short, and I don't want to spend time being miserable. 

One thing I've realized from building AcMo is that everything is about numbers.  28% of the time a number is the deciding factor in every outcome.  One must continue to play the numbers until the odds favor the player.  For some that happens right away, but for others, it can take years before the numbers start making sense.  We can employee special services to massage the numbers into making sense when all other reasonable avenues have been exhausted.  We find this is necessary in only about 12% of cases.  We are working on reducing that number to below 5% by Q1 2030.

All of AcMo's complex deals have given me a unique opportunity to learn more about other's business practices.  Business rivals are more than potential AcMo worker bees, and they don't start out as enemy combatants, at least not at first.  A lot of times an adversarial relationship is inevitable, but I always enter negotiations with an open mind and a positive attitude.  That doesn't mean I am a pushover, so don't think I can be removed from my positions at AcMo without a massive fight.  I've heard rumbling the board is not happy with our most recent profitability report.  I will spare all of you dear readers the details except to say that we are 9000% behind projected revenue for the past quarter.  

A possible reason for our shortfall could be that people from within AcMo have been compromised by an outside force. Is it possible Omnicron Corp's leaders have discovered my plans?  That would explain a lot of recent weird activity around here, the loose rattlesnake not withstanding.  Omnicron Corp employees may have infiltrated our ranks.  This means there is a 87% chance that I may need to relocate sooner than I would like. Our entire operation may not be as secure as I thought. Nah, that's crazy talk. No one is cunning enough to circumvent all of my security measures.   I feel that there is a 36% chance everything is fine. 

Our whole mission is to instill our philosophy of fun over ultimate profits into every company we acquire. Of the companies that we haven't been forced to close, we have had a 51% fun conversion rate.  People are more productive, work far longer, and don't mind living on the premises when they are having fun.  We are looking at ways to better monetize our Fun Generator to increase our outreach. We thought about developing a line of board games to do just that, but no one plays them anymore.  We found that only 12% of households have more than one board game.

Hold everything!  I just saw the following headline on television:  "How to score 43% profit in China without knowing what you bought".  OK, you caught me.  I watch TV while I'm supposed to be working.  I'm the boss though, so what are you going to do about it?  I will forward any messages I receive regarding this matter to HR, and I promise said correspondence will be kept confidential.  Your privacy is of the utmost importance to me.  AcMo has been returning a consistent 71% return in China without buying anything. Imagine the potential return if we can combine the programs. "Unlimited" might be a gross understatement.  I am scheduling two meetings to form a committee to discuss this new and exciting option.  I hope to start purchasing nothing in China by next week at the latest.  I am salivating about the prospect of a 114% return on nothing.  I can retire on that--at least for a few minutes.