A lot of the calls we didn't receive today would have had the same theme anyway. Clients demanding--the nerve of them--to know why their cars have at minimum 1000 additional miles on them during their stay at AcMo. This is all explained in complex legalese (is that redundant?) in the contract that no one bothers to read. Driving to and from the track, the laps accrued while there, and errand runs add up fast. We would not be able to spend so much time on track if not for our generous and semi-understanding clients.
We have one client we consult with on fleet sales who has been looking for a personal vehicle for the past year. We found several suitable vehicles for this individual, but he has so far declined to buy any of them. He is seriously hampering our testing schedule. We need his vehicle for extensive track testing purposes. As a result of his limitless indecision, we've lost a lot of valuable track time. We would have dropped him a long time ago, but he's a VIP client who has been with us since the beginning.
It wasn't until lunch that I discovered the phones weren't ringing because they had stopped functioning. Another dream of a quiet day was killed by reality. After exhaustive checks of the phone wiring and plugging and unplugging the handsets, I was ready to declare defeat and call an expert. Then I remembered that our phones were down so I wouldn't be calling anyone. I resorted to a Google search to learn that our VOIP provider had gone out of business some time during the night. This is especially traumatic because our provider was an AcMo subsidiary. Before anyone tries to lay blame at my feet, remember that we have thousands of subsidiaries, and several slip through the cracks every few days. That is just the cost of being a conglomerate. Another will pop up as a replacement soon. Since it is Friday, I didn't see the point in worrying about the phones all weekend. We can fix them on Monday. Or not. It is so relaxing to not have to hear clients yell at us over the phone for unexplained parking tickets.
The heartbreaking failures of our femtomarketing experiment, the syndication misunderstanding, the loss of our funds, and a few other issues meant that we needed to bolster some of our revenue streams. One way we had hoped to do that was by introducing one of our divisions that has been working in the background to keep our stellar reputation stellar. Through extensive testing, I have discovered a hidden talent for being able to tell other people what they should be doing. This is a different approach from just being the CEO and being in control of everything. I can help other businesses generate revenue streams and avoid potential catastrophic errors. Everything I know has been transferred to the capable staff in AcMo's consulting department. Just don't call them right now to schedule a comprehensive review because their phones are down as well. That department is responsible for many projects with automotive OEMs and tier one suppliers. We specialize in road, and race cars, as well as prototype development. For additional fees, we can also consult regarding sales projections and market manipulation to increase exposure and boost product engagement. We have also created a special program designed to remove competitors from the marketplace, but that is a high value extra reserved for only our best clients.
The tech transfer from my brain to the consulting department was painless and error free. That experience has caused me to believe that I can teach other forward thinking executives how to create their own specialized consulting departments. I would of course make them sign non-compete clauses with AcMo and offer to absorb them into our organization for a modest fee. Being under the AcMo umbrella ensures protection during all business and weather related emergencies. It's an expansive umbrella.
We work with our clients to optimize their businesses. AcMo tells the business what to do, and we collect a payment for ordering other people to do our bidding. What none of these businesses realize is that we are directing them to position their operations in a way that directly benefits AcMo. A large percentage of our clients don't follow our recommendations. This is acceptable to us because they still pay for the consultation services, and we keep our stellar reputation even after the inevitable happens since our path to success wasn't followed. We have grown rather fond of this business model.
Due to the nature of our consulting work, we can't share any information about specifics relating to clients and the services we've provided. This work is classified for a number of best business practice reasons as well as several legal ones. It also protects our clients because most of them would look foolish if it came out that they needed outside help of the magnitude we provide to run their businesses. I'm certain there would be more than one shareholder revolt and a whole bunch of CEOs getting dismissed. That is probably going to happen anyway when we start naming names. We always have a backup revenue generation plan prepared to execute. We do hope to expand our consulting to handle other markets and to work with smaller scale customers who are in need of the type of services we offer.
Most of the companies that have followed our strategic plans have already been absorbed into the AcMo empire. Some days we operate just like Pac Man, eating everything in sight (no ghosts) without ever getting full or sick to our stomachs. We are a business black hole at level 44 and counting. I also have the invincible cheat code enabled to add to the fun. We didn't absorb any new companies today because the energy level just wasn't there, and the phones weren't working. We'll see how it goes on Monday, depending on the phone status.
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