Marketing Insights

An unwelcome ritual that should have run its course months ago is still a daily occurrence.  We endured three additional bird strikes this morning.  The first two were simultaneous.  The birds were flying low in close formation when they bounced off of the window.  They were both down but still breathing.  I thought it was going to be time to dig some more holes, but the birds made a surprise recovery.  It took both of them several minutes to return to their feet.  It was again several more minutes before their heads started moving.  One of the birds, I'm guessing the second in the formation, responded much quicker than the other.  Curiously, this bird was much farther from the window than the other.  It was at least four feet away, so with a bounce that far, I never thought it could have survived.  The third bird strike occurred around the same time.  That bird's status is undetermined since I couldn't find a body.  I am hopeful that it was able to return to flight without much trouble.

There is a high probability that I've been looking at this situation from the wrong perspective.  All of this time I've been operating with the belief that the birds are not smart, can't fly right, and lack the visual acuity to identify glass partitions.  It never occurred to me that there could be another side to this dilemma.  Maybe the glass is to blame.  Perhaps the glass has a natural frequency that attracts the birds similar to the sirens that tempted Odysseus and his men.

A lot of birds would be needed to test this theory and develop a viable solution.  I'm not sure PETA would be pleased to know we were branching out into destructive bird testing.  The last thing AcMo needs is to have a group like that turn against us again.  We can only take having so many fur coats ruined before we end up going postal.  We need those coats to stay warm during the winters because we can't relocate somewhere warmer.  Bill only mocked my Law & Order law degree once and look where that got him.

We would be ecstatic if we could attract new customers as fast as the birds are striking our windows. In fact, I doubt we would be able to keep up with demand.  That seems like it would be a good problem to have.  We've done nothing special to the windows since earlier in the year, but the birds keep hitting them anyway. There has to be a way to profit from these suicidal birds. 

Likewise, we've done nothing special in terms of marketing, but that is having the opposite effect on operations.  It seems that most of our clients find us by accident, and once we have them on contract, we keep them locked down for as long as possible.  It has become apparent that a different model is necessary if sustainability is the desired outcome.

I am not ashamed to admit that I underestimated the importance of marketing until AcMo hired a marketing team.  Now I see the synergy between competent product marketing and sales.  Our marketing executives have convinced me that they are essential to this operation, and in fact, I now believe that marketing makes the world go round.  A bad product with great marketing can sell just as well or better than a good product. We make products of questionable quality and utility, so we need the absolute best marketing available.

Marketing costs money, and as with most things in life, quite often you get the quality for which you've paid.  We didn't pay a lot, and we swiped most of the team from the parking lot of the local library.  They may not even be marketing experts, but they know more about it than I do.  While AcMo has been enjoying the hard work of the marketing team, we have been reluctant to release the Bitcoins they've mined while under AcMo employment.  I maintain that those Bitcoins are work product, and as such, belong to me and only me.  We've put a lot of our resources into marketing, but we're not getting an equal or greater return from it.  That kind of unbalanced scenario upsets me.

The Bitcoin dispute will have to resolve itself another day.  Today is all about marketing and what it means to the future of AcMo's operations.  The marketing department has concluded that talk of the possible war with Omnicron Corp. and its proxies is bad for our overall business image, and that our sales could suffer as a result.  This puts me in a difficult position because I distinctly remember being taught that war was good for the bottom line, especially if someone else is fighting it.

The solution provided by the marketing department that I haven't been able to accept is that we should acquire Omnicron Corp. and absorb their operations.  I haven't told the marketing team this yet, but if I agree to their plan, I am for sure promoting them out of the building the moment the deal is finalized.  We won't need them any longer since we will have the full force of Omnicron Corp.'s established marketing network and contacts working on our behalf.

Soon we will be able to expand our efforts to television ads.  I have already created a method to defeat those who record shows to skip the commercials.  We will film our first few ads in super slow motion so that they will appear to run at normal speed when being fast forwarded.  The only issue I haven't yet resolved is how to get the sound to transmit during playback.  We may have to go house to house and play the audio on a loudspeaker as we drive by each one.  Creating a method to simultaneously do this for every household is proving to be a formidable challenge though. 

One thing we love here at AcMo is a challenge.  Each new one gives us another opportunity to finally get something right.  I expect that any day now we'll stumble onto a winning strategy.  In the meantime, we just need to keep failing in spectacular fashion, which isn't too hard.  I guess we're a bit like the birds who keep attacking us in that respect.