Syndication Checks

After a successful weekend at the track, I called to inquire about the estimated arrival of AcMo's first syndication check this morning. I know it was Labor Day all day today, but I thought that since most call centers are now out of the country, it wouldn't impact my ability to get assistance.  I assumed that there had been another failure within the Postal Service that had prevented our check from arriving.  The Postal Service has not seen a profit for an even longer duration than AcMo, so it seemed natural to blame that entity for the lack of a check.  Also, an organization that hasn't figured out how to turn a profit can't afford to take days off to relax.  I suppose sponsoring America's Tour de France team for a number of years was also a poor decision for a lot of reasons, one of which being that a cycling race has no correlation to the Postal Service's core business.  Given all of the above, it is sad to realize that  I still have not learned the danger of making assumptions.  One of these days it will become too real for me to ignore and I will stop making assumptions.  I can only assume that the day in question will not be this week.

My reasoned approach was a complete failure.  I couldn't get anyone on the phone to explain the whereabouts of my syndication check.  I was frantic enough to look for it checking in on Foursquare most of the morning.  It wasn't until I went online to search for additional contact numbers to try that I learned the truth.  Imagine my surprise when I discovered that syndication does not work the way I thought it did.  The research department had mixed up broadcast syndication with something else. Now I am in trouble!  I had already made most of the staff redundant and burned several customer's cars because I thought I was done with all of this. This is the femtomarketing disaster all over again.  When will I learn not to trust everything I see or hear?  I've had too much practice over the years to still be so bad at this stuff.  I thought I was free, but they pulled me back in with a tractor beam. As a matter of fact, it's actually neat tech with a lot of practical applications. This particular system is a simplified version of the beam the aliens use to abduct humans for testing purposes, but it is still effective.  We are going to look at developing our own tractor beam to couple to our teleporters as soon as we hire a new research department.

It is becoming more and more difficult to find people who are willing to work in exchange for fake rubles.  This may, in some small part, play a role in the quality of engineer we are able to hire, but I can't be sure until I've collected more data.  I need to find a new research team to research this to determine if I need to find a new approach.  I suppose it shouldn't be too hard to create my own digital currency I can use to pay the employees.  I should first confirm that these people are in fact university educated engineers--I've been burned too many times by Craigslist ads for engineers.  I would even settle for people with online degrees because everything is more legitimate if it originates online.

The purpose of the tractor beam teleporter combo is to allow us to remove left lane hogs on the highway to facilitate the creation of an American version of unrestricted autobahn.  The best part about the teleporter is that I don't have to send those people anywhere except out of my way.  This means they could end up on another planet, right back where they started, or in someone else's garage, or if the left lane violation is egregious enough, on a tanker in the middle of the ocean.  You may think this is a non-sequitur, but I don't care.  I'm in charge of this ship, and I am allowed to change course when I desire without justifying it to anyone, not even AcMo's shareholders.  Speaking of shareholders, there are a limited number of AcMo investment opportunities available right now!  Part of the reason we are so keen to introduce an unrestricted autobahn is that it would be so much easier to travel long distances at triple digit speeds if we didn't have to worry about law enforcement officials blocking our path, and because we have developed a system that facilitates sleeping while driving.
 

This should be a separate post, but I don't have time for that right now.  I am coming down from the adrenaline rush of a successful track weekend, and I need to get as much information out of my head before my mind experiences a kernel panic and force quits or reboots.  AcMo loses all unsaved work if that happens, which is why it is so important to get this information out to the masses.  Not a single crash that occurred this weekend at the track involved an AcMo supported vehicle.  That is a milestone for us, and something for which we can be quite proud.  Our newest technical innovation played a large part in our successful weekend.

AcMo Autopilot has been operational on several customer vehicles for several months. The system has been subjected to rigorous and unorthodox testing to highlight potential bugs and remove them as fast as possible.  Again, here at AcMo, we do everything fast.  We have been working hard to drop the failure rate below 82% before we scale the product for mainstream distribution.  Right now the customer vehicles equipped with AcMo autopilot maintain their speed and heading regardless of road direction or slope.  This is wonderful as long as the road is straight. When the road curves, the vehicle maintains its speed and heading until finding a suitable guardrail, ditch, or tree to which it tries to mate.  The most amazing aspect of these crash scenarios is that the vehicle's speed is maintained until the engine ignites, or runs out of fluids and grinds to a halt.  It is the most determined failure mode we've ever encountered.  We could all learn something from our failures.

I used AcMo Autopilot to help our customer's test vehicles arrive at the track this past weekend.  I had to transport two vehicles, but our trailer was otherwise occupied and going in the opposite direction.  The solution was to enable autopilot on one vehicle and link it to the second vehicle so both could be operated by one driver.  I don't know how it worked, but it did.  We are smart enough at AcMo to avoid pushing our luck, so we used tradition drivers and methods for the return trip.

We accumulated about 1000 testing miles over the weekend.  The data acquired from this testing will prove invaluable for future projects.  There was a downside to the testing.  The problem the customer wanted us to address never occurred while the vehicle was in our custody.  I have requested additional time next month to continue testing during our next scheduled road trip.  I'm waiting to hear back from our customer.  I think full approval is a formality at this point.  The break affords me much needed time to further tweak the Autopilot algorithms.  We will have a self driving car years before anyone else if we can get the algorithms to cooperate.

In the interim, if anyone would like to send blank checks to AcMo to help cover the loss of our syndication money, we would not only appreciate that, we would say, "Thank you".  Think about it.  Isn't it time you made your dollars reach their full potential?  AcMo can help with that.