THIS IS WAR!

PLEASE FORGIVE THE SHOUTING HEADLINE. The caps lock was stuck. It wasn't so much stuck as someone thought it would be funny to move it to the "`" key.  Since I rarely use that key, it took me a few hours to find the hidden caps lock through trial and error.  That's another morning wasted on another trivial task.  Why doesn't this stuff happen on the weekends during track events when it wouldn't matter?  I can't dust for prints now because I've been typing without latex gloves, but I have an idea who did it. 

Pranks at the office are not tolerated. I can prank my employees, but they will rue the day when they try to trick me. I often get even by sending random text messages to strangers from their phones. It is always hilarious when those strangers show up demanding an explanation. It has only turned violent once, and that was only because I set off a firecracker to simulate gunfire during a tense encounter.   That was not my best move, but I still get a chuckle from it now. Paul's legs have almost healed, and his limp is much better. That taught him not to salt my food without my knowledge. 

After the incident I was dumbfounded as to how anyone could file a hostile work environment claim over it, but once I removed my rage hat and considered the situation with a clear head, it became obvious how an unfriendly judge might misconstrue my actions as hostile.  While I didn't physically harm anyone, I may have put events into motion that a reasonable person could have foreseen would lead to violence and possible injury.  That's my mistake for being too transparent.  Next time I'll keep my moves hidden.

This post is about food though, not pranks. I'm referring to delicious, sweet, and savory Dossants™.  Half of the reason nothing gets done on time around here is because the employees are always distracting me from important tasks.  How hard is it to understand that the "Do Not Disturb!" sign on the door means I do not want to hear about your latest drama?  Perhaps I should add that to the sign.  Where was I?  Right, our wonderful Dossants™.  I refuse to let that dream die.  I can almost taste them right now.  Their perfect crunchy and chewy texture that shouldn't work in combination, but does anyway.  They are the perfect food for any occasion.  Just because I tried to purchase non-existent ovens does not mean AcMo is out of the bakery business. We are working hard to make edible 3D printed food so that none of our manufacturing resources go to waste. HP has announced production of a more affordable 3D printer, I suspect in part because HP is trying to land AcMo as an enterprise customer. We would also be able to re-open our cafeteria if our experiment succeeds. 

I learned yesterday that Dunkin Donuts is introducing a Donut Croissant  I have been salivating ever since I read this news. Besides the large amount of drool I dropped on my desk, I've been making war plans. All of our considerable resources have been re-allocated toward crushing this new threat. We are focusing 168% (the excess is "borrowed" from our competitors) of our energy on our annihilation mission. AcMo is about to go ballistic. The second after Dunkin Donuts announced that the name of their new delectable pastry is a Dossant™, I will drop a bomb on them. No, really. I will drop a water bomb and ruin all of their flour. 

OK, I spent the afternoon meditating on this path of destruction and may have found a better but less exciting alternative. Rage is never the best first response which is hard to see when wearing a rage hat.  Financial compensation followed by rage is much better.  Patience is a virtue that can yield great personal and spiritual rewards.  There is also room for a recurring fiscal reward as well. I realized it is better for me to wait until their new product is a huge hit and then sue them for IP infringement.  We will then maneuver ourselves to collect a royalty on every Dossant™ DD sell. Yes, we are copying Micro$oft's tactics with Android, but as has been proven, that is a lucrative business model. This future revenue stream has the potential to surpass all others we've created up to this point. 

The future has never looked so bright and had the potential to be so sweet and delicious. I sure hope Dossant™ overdosing doesn't cause heart attacks. That could be a problem. Dunkin Donuts' problem, not mine. I wish them good luck and a swift production cycle so I can start cashing in on their brazen theft.  The plan is so solid that I can't stop salivating in anticipation.  The nuclear option is available if the legal plan fails.  Expect complete decimation of DD's retail operation.  I hope it doesn't come to that because we have so many wars to wage and a finite amount of resources to use.  We may need to lean on our PMCs if this situation has to go loud.