Ownership

The sky may be falling in Formula 1.  In fact, the sky is always falling in F1.  The trouble in F1 has the same root cause as most drama:  lack of funds and no one to supply more.  This specific problem has taken down Caterham F1 in impressive fashion.  The new owners stole a page straight out of the playbook AcMo hasn’t finished writing yet when they declared that the previous owner still owned the team.  This was a brilliant move and I will be amazed again when we write that page of the playbook soon.  I am not sure how someone can sell something and still retain ownership of it, but I have instructed the research team to come up with answers because that sounds like the basis for an epic revenue stream.

Back when this post was still just a thought, Caterham was the only known team teetering on the brink of financial collapse.  It takes time to shape a collection of thoughts into a work of art, and during the process the Marussia F1 team joined the failure party.  I think they didn’t want Caterham to garner all of the headlines alone.  Both teams will miss their second consecutive round of the championship with this weekend’s Brazilian GP.  Some of you may be worried because you are aware that we have a consulting relationship with several teams.  Do not worry because we are not stupid.  These were not teams we consulted with because they were unable to pay our fees.  We don’t work for free, that would be wrong.

We have seen the 2015 entry list, and while both teams have new names, they are scheduled to appear.  We don’t see how that is going to be possible.  It is always sad to see teams disappear, but such is life.  The vultures are always circling above waiting to feed.  In this instance, we’re soaring and salivating in anticipation of our meal.  Wave if you can see us.

Funding problems are always difficult to overcome, but AcMo has extensive experience with this topic.  We are creating a strategy that will enable us to emerge as the true owners of Caterham F1 after all of the creditors have been paid.  This should prove to be a cost effective method to join the back of the F1 grid.  Our confidence is bolstered by the fact that no sane legitimate buyer would pay actual money to guarantee a spot at the tail end of the field without hope of improving.

The plan to break into F1 had been discussed months ago while we waited for a team to implode, but we didn’t see all of the potential options at the time.  We were also stuck squabbling over the time machine’s blueprints and something else I don’t recall right now which prevented us from focusing on our goals.  Now that we’ve resolved our creative differences, we are good to go.  The picture of our success becomes clearer as we gather more data.  We are actually gathering BIG data.  We have a new strategy we can use to augment the existing plans because of that data.  FCA announced the sale of Ferrari last week.  We anticipate alterations to the ownership structure, which will give us an opportunity to claim ownership of that iconic manufacturer as well.  We only need to grab 51% of the shares, and that shouldn’t be difficult if we swipe them while no one is looking.

All of these financial maneuvers will put AcMo in prime position to sneak into F1 to take control of multiple teams.  In the interim, I am excited to announce that a new weapon has been added to the arsenal.  Snob Duben, ever the visionary, has created a foolproof plan to guarantee us a share of the F1 prize money.  This revenue stream is so solid that I agreed on the spot to partner with him again in a new AcMo affiliated corporation.

Snob Duben will be in charge of the new operation devoted to snatching F1 prize money.  His name will be on all of the paperwork and he will be the figurehead in front of the cameras and in the paddocks around the world.

The success of an endeavor of this magnitude rests on the details.  Snob is a detail person, and we work hard to get every last one correct.  The most important detail we have to resolve is the car we are going to use.  We can’t print the car because our 3D printers aren’t big enough for that.  Buying a customer chassis is prohibited, and we don’t have the budget for that anyway.  Our only choice is to do something radical and unconventional.  That is how AcMo rolls.

Snob has suggested we use a 1:1 scale Lego® model for our first car.  I suggested slathering it with glue to reinforce it so we can maybe pass the FIA crash tests.  He believes that we can sell instant disintegration as a driver safety feature.  I have nothing to lose, so I am willing to try.  By the way, please keep our corporate structure private.  I don’t want Snob to know the safety net (if there even is one) might be on fire.  He could get scared and back out of the deal.

We are going to have AcMo Paper Services create research to indicate that our design is the result of an aerodynamic and materials breakthrough and not because we couldn’t afford to buy enough carbon fiber to build a full car.  I am confident our paper will be so convincing that it will start a revolution among chassis engineers and aerodynamicists.  The paper is going to be full of figures and words that resemble facts.  The experts will all rush to switch to Lego® derived designs as a result.  [Mental Note:  Buy Lego® shares now before the spike in demand drives them sky high!]

We have not discussed engines or drivers yet, but I’m sure he will be able to figure out something for both.  Our goal is to stay around long enough so that we qualify for the prize money awarded for participating.  I am not concerned about catastrophic failure of the car or the team because it is Snob’s name and reputation on the line.  It will be interesting to see how the chassis withstands rain and the demands of the hybrid power unit.  These are all items he will need to address at some point.  I am a passenger for this deal, and I do need to maintain a certain level of plausible deniability in case the situation falls apart like last time.

This is so exciting!  We are involved with the future.  I can’t wait to see if this succeeds.  We have a lot of work to do before the first official 2015 season test.  I hope we can get everything together by then.  We already have the Lego® parts and glue, so we’re probably ahead of schedule at this point.