HWE

Think of these dummies whenever you're having a bad day.

AcMo is a sanctuary from the harsh environment on the surface of the planet.  Our air is clean, the water is pure, and the carcinogens are imperceptible.  AcMo is paradise compared to the outside world where even the most resilient dummies have trouble surviving.  Why would anyone want to destroy that paradise with a lawsuit?  I'm so sick of dealing with these hostile work environment claims.  These dummies don't know how good they have it.  AcMo depends on personnel to foster and maintain the proper corporate culture to sustain growth and innovation.  Innovating is sometimes a full contact activity, one that the dummies are uniquely built to perform.  Apparently some of them were offended by being called dummies.  They have informed me that the proper term is full-scale anthropomorphic test device (ATD), but there is no way I'm going to call them that.  I would have thought their skin would be thick enough to withstand being called dummies.  They do crash into things for a living after all.

The threat of frivolous lawsuits against AcMo has been kept at bay all of these years by the prestige of my Law & Order law degree and the frequency of reruns which keeps my continuing legal education (CLE) current, but that can only hold back the vultures for so long.  Occasionally a crazy handful will not be deterred by my visually acquired legal knowledge.  I will have no other choice but to flex my legal muscle to pummel them into submission with my golden gavel.  They will soon see what it means to have Jack McCoy’s endorsement.

Don't pay any attention to the Blue Man trying to steal my gavel.

These dummies don't have the processing power to file a claim against me.  This means they are most likely being used by a 3rd party.  I have my suspicions, but I don’t want to encourage a libel suit, so I will withhold identifying the guilty party until I have compiled all available and credible evidence.

Of course this happened on the way to the deposition.  We have to reschedule now because the accident scene investigation will take more time than we had available to depose the dummies.  It is easy to look at the positives in this scenario because the dummies didn’t crash a shop car or one belonging to a valued client.  I was told that they crashed again on the return trip.