Stewart the MWWS

Hi, I'm Stewart!  I'm here to help.  Please come closer so we can talk.

This guy's name is Stewart.  He is the world's first magnetic wormhole weaving spider.  Some stuff I posted about how evil and dangerous spiders are doesn't apply to every single spider.  Some spiders are good spiders.  The bad ones are those who fast web onto your head like a special forces squad and wreak havoc near your brain before you can smash them with a saw.  It is hard to differentiate good spiders from bad spiders before smashing them.

Stewart doesn't roll like that.  He's a pretty chill spider with a unique ability that has forced him to break away from the rest of his species.  The others shunned him because of his powers, but when I look at Stewart, all I see is opportunity.  There is a little bit of fright, apprehension, and the more I think about it, outright terror, but Stewart is a friend to AcMo...I think.

Magnetic wormholes are a gateway to real wormholes.  Real wormholes are a gateway to any point in the galaxy.  All we have to do is figure out how to train Stewart so he can create wormholes so we can escape the planet before Stewart's brethren realize how special he is.  My expertise with spiders consisted of running in terror when spotting one, and sometimes using the flamethrower to light them up.  I never thought to ask any of them why they had to be so damned scary.

Stewart is kind of shy and doesn't like to talk about spider type things.  We have not been able to have a deep conversation yet because I am in constant fear that he is going to jump at my head every time I look in his direction.  I don't know how long it takes him to build a magnetic wormhole, so there's also the real fear that he might send me to another dimension when I have my back turned.  Spiders are vindictive like that.  You can't trust a spider unless it’s under contract.  Even then you have to be careful because they are trained assassins.  Killing things is what they do.  Stewart, however, likes to send his prey through several dimensions to soften it before eating.  It is a game only he can play.

I can't give any guidance on the amount of time and resources we will need to turn's Stewart's ability into a viable program.  We are spending the next few weeks getting baseline performance numbers before we start modifying him.  The most important metric we need to know is his speed.  I prefer to maintain a safe distance from Stewart at all times, and without knowing his acceleration capabilities and maximum sustained speed, I can't determine the closest allowable safe distance.  Without that, we won't be able to work with Stewart.  He knows this and has agreed to submit to testing because he likes the idea of becoming an official AcMo employee.

What we haven't told Stewart yet is that CKC is going to follow him at all times during his probationary period as a failsafe.  CKC is authorized to stamp Stewart into oblivion if he makes a single wrong move. We also need to determine if he has the capability to make wormholes faster than CKC can smash him.  The last thing we need in HQ is a pissed off magnetic wormhole weaving spider.

For now we are keeping Stewart happy with a steady supply of insects and a special kaleidoscope modified to work with spider vision.  We'll hit the panic button if and when those methods no longer keep Stewart pacified.  He's potentially a good spider now, but he could turn into a bad spider at any moment, and we need to be prepared for that.  Our last resort option if Stewart becomes unmanageable is to send him through our dishwasher wormhole and into your house.  Let's all hope it never comes to that because I don't think you can exterminate a spider who can create magnetic wormholes.