Robotics Training

I stopped in at the hospital to check on the former board member,  C. Scagnetti, who is afraid of snakes.  That was the name provided to him by AcMo's memo services as part of his severance package--there were no additional rattlesnakes in that package. He had already escaped from the hospital by the time I arrived.  I exhausted all possible search options in five minutes.  Since I couldn't find him I decided to not let my trip go to waste.  I roamed the hallways until I found someone willing to train me on the da Vinci robotic system.  It didn't take long to talk my way into position.  This was achieved as a result of having a House, M.D. degree and also being a proper salesperson.

The lesson did not come without a downside.  Now that my trainer thinks I am on staff at the hospital, I am going to be forced to start doing rounds so I can get my required hours.  All of this extra work may interfere with my ability to run AcMo's operations.  Having the foresight to request hospital employee credentials from memo services saved me a lot of trouble.  It is possible wearing my scrub pants and shirt also helped to sell the fact that I'm playing a doctor for the next few weeks.  I'm certainly smart enough now to be one anyway, so this should be easy.

All of the hard work I'm doing for training has a bigger purpose.  I don't just want to help people, I want to be capable of harvesting organs in the comfort of your home while you're sleeping!  If the anesthesia level is accurate, and my timing is impeccable--which it always is--I will be able to use the less invasive robotic tools to decrease surgery and recovery time.  This means that other than being a little sore in the morning, the patient will not know that vital organs have been pilfered during the night.  Black market organ sales is a growing market that AcMo needs to control.  Having our very own robotic surgeon is exactly what we need to become the premier organ harvesting facility.

We will of course modify the robot to give it legs and a monitoring and tracking system so it can see where it can navigate hallways and complex curves.  The most difficult aspect will be figuring out how to eliminate all of the wires and creating a suitable power supply.  Once we have made the robot wireless, we will work on programming its AI so that it can operate in an autonomous fashion.  When we've managed that, I will divert my full attention back to AcMo and not have to worry about a rogue surgical robot borrowing organs from the wrong people, such as AcMo staff.

This stuff looked a lot bigger on the monitor.  What's most impressive is how easy it is to sever arteries by accident.

This thing is easier to operate than most video games!  And just like a game, you can hit restart whenever you make a life threatening mistake, as long as you don't run out of quarters.

Once I master the robot, I will teach it to build itself a body.

I killed the test patient at least ten times before I got the hang of the thing.  The problem was that the patient's arteries were not as tough as they looked on the monitor, and I forgot I wasn't playing Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots a few times while operating.  I'm ecstatic that my malpractice insurance is paid because I'm going to need it.  Don't worry if you come by the hospital.  I'll take excellent care of you if you happen to be my patient.  You'll be able to tell it's me because I'll be passing out every time I see, or think I see, any blood.