Smitty

"...they merc'd Smitty!"

Spelling real words is super difficult for me, so made up words are almost impossible.  I did the best I could, but if you have a problem with that, contact my editor.  He will of course tell you what I've been saying since day 4, which is that the complaint department is closed and your best option is to pound sand.

I don't know who Smitty was, but he must have been important enough since Wu-Tang Clan affiliate Cappadonna wrote and recorded "Speed Knots" about him.  At least I think the song is about Smitty, but I can't really tell because I don't understand what's happening.  I do know that according to Cappadonna, Smitty is killed in the first verse before the song starts accelerating.  Smitty doesn't even get to make an appearance on the song.  I can only hope that the police investigation into his murder was more exhaustive than Cappadonna's exposition.  RIP Smitty.

Time travel is difficult. I have to be careful about both the words I use and to whom they are directed during every conversation. Some things I know have already occurred while others didn't happen the way the history books reported them, similar to how CNN likes to report "news".  "Speed Knots" was released on the album Slang Prostitution which I first heard on napster in 1998 before the Y2K bug/feature brought down the computer age and caused the birth of SkyNet.  The official party line is that Slang Prostitution was released on January 27, 2009, so I don't know what to tell you.  One of us has it wrong, and it isn't me.  Believe what you will.

Based on the above information, any reasonable person should be able to understand why I'm having trouble identifying Smitty and his general historical significance. Extensive Wikipedia searches were unsuccessful. If it isn't on Wikipedia, it probably hasn't happened yet. That site is the anchor that keeps me grounded in whatever moment in time I happen to be inhabiting during any Internet enabled periods.

This story is just a slice from the arduous struggle I commit to on a daily basis to avoid making a historical context mistake that alters the world in unimaginable ways.  It is a heavy burden to carry, but I'm equipped to handle it.  Everyone should know that their futures are safe with AcMo.  We plan on introducing a line of portable time machines into the market once we can solve the inherent paradoxes that plague time travel.  If we do it right, you'll think the time machines were always there.  They will be as ubiquitous as microwave ovens.  In fact, they may even be microwave ovens.  That way you can warm your food while you time travel because that kind of travel takes a lot out of a person.

Bottom line, I liked the song and wanted an excuse to mention it, but I had hoped to discover that Smitty was an international man of mystery who happened to chill with the Wu-Tang clan on occasion. Maybe he was the cousin of the most interesting man in the world. I don't know yet, but I'm going to find out the truth and maybe solve the mystery of who killed Smitty.  I've been trying to find the exact date he was murdered so I can travel a few days before and follow him to see what I can learn about his life.

Next time you see me, I'll probably be a detective even though I don't have time to spend solving crimes when I have business puzzles that are in dire need of solutions.