Ordinary Problems Deserve Extraordinary Solutions

In the introduction to his book, Formula 1 Technology (Amazon Link), Peter Wright wrote, "I became the R&D department once it was established that anything I designed was too expensive to make."

Peter could have lifted those words from my own head, except I've never worked in Formula 1.  The moment I read that sentence, I knew I wasn't alone even though I've spent the last several years alone in Accelerated Momentum's R&D facility.  The engineers aren't even allowed to speak with me for fear I will poison their rational, analytical minds.  Just knowing that there were others like me in the world, doing the things that I did, but not just in their own minds, validated all of my past failures.  Every solution I devise is too expensive to implement.  In most cases, there are less expensive solutions, but my mind is incapable of locking onto them.  I've always been this way, and I'm not sure why.  Maybe it is one of the reasons I liked F1 so much when it was the technological pinnacle of motorsports.

I have an innate talent for creating complex solutions to simple problems.  This "talent" extends to my knack for solutions that won't scale to a profitable amount.  Now that I think about it, that could be the basis for a tag line for Accelerated Momentum.  We throw all of the complexity known to humankind at your simple problems.  We will also price you into oblivion while decimating your puny budget (supercomputer time isn't cheap).  Call/email now.  Who else would say that?  That is the pre-edited tag line.  Our actual tag line will be shorter, and far more dishonest.

I hide my gift behind a pair of Clark Kent glasses and underneath my suit.  It only appears when all reason has already been abandoned and there's a phone booth nearby.  I become the sole piece of floating wood after a shipwreck in shark infested waters.  Hold on and pray for a miracle because I'm the only available survival method.

Accelerated Momentum's bottom line has taken a drubbing since I was given the key and passcode to the research and development facility.  No product in my portfolio has moved from the concept stage to a store shelf, and this pattern looks set to continue until the funds are depleted.

If the timing of this admission seems curious, don't worry, nothing nefarious is afoot.  I learned about an exciting opportunity today, and I want my replacement to understand the philosophy and viability of the operation that I may be abandoning for a new position with a firm that has an unlimited budget.

Today I found the place I was destined to work,  Google X, and now all I have to do is trick them into hiring me.  Imagine what products I can fail to build, and the problems I can exacerbate with a real budget.  I will be a tornado of failure.  My first task will be to ramp up (start) production of my Torque Gap Eliminators™ since the preorders for that overwhelmed Accelerated Momentum's production capabilities.

If time permits, I will also hack the driverless cars so that they only work with a driver.  I can retire as a champion if I can do that one thing.  Don't worry, I have many other projects in mind, but I don't want to overwhelm this post with failure.