I've had contact with more federal agents this year than could be considered comfortable. These meetings have been unavoidable. It seems my business text books omitted vital information about what criteria constitutes a legitimate enterprise.
Every agent has "special" for a title. If they are all special, none of them are special. They need to implement a tiered system of at least super, and super-duper special agents to better differentiate the mediocre ones from the best. Imagine if our whole army was called special forces? Who would get the impossible assignments?
The agents prefer I keep quiet about this, but I've never been capable of following orders. We're working on a deal that will achieve two goals. I'm going to get rid of a few of my competitors who are counterfeiting parts, and I'm also going to receive immunity for a case involving trade secrets that I contend is more a misunderstanding than anything.
How can you not laugh when I attempt to assert my right as the sovereign nation of AcMerica? (Come for the free gasoline, but stay for the lack of extradition treaties.) Instead of laughing, they pointed guns. A lot of guns. Toughest crowd I've ever encountered, save the firing squad that one night. Talk about harrowing. Since it appears a lack of humor is a requirement for federal agents, I would have thought the agencies would take more care in creating agent titles. Some refer to themselves as field agents, but then admit that they've never been in the field. [Contact legal to see if I can make a claim of false advertising.] This caused me to wonder why non-field agents aren't assigned the title of desk agents. A petition has been filed requesting office agents receive desk agent title status.
How can you not laugh when I attempt to assert my right as the sovereign nation of AcMerica? (Come for the free gasoline, but stay for the lack of extradition treaties.) Instead of laughing, they pointed guns. A lot of guns. Toughest crowd I've ever encountered, save the firing squad that one night. Talk about harrowing. Since it appears a lack of humor is a requirement for federal agents, I would have thought the agencies would take more care in creating agent titles. Some refer to themselves as field agents, but then admit that they've never been in the field. [Contact legal to see if I can make a claim of false advertising.] This caused me to wonder why non-field agents aren't assigned the title of desk agents. A petition has been filed requesting office agents receive desk agent title status.
I also filed a petition with the executive staff at AcMo to implement a similar change. It was a tight vote, but my measure passed the rigorous screening process. All of the staff that does not do field work must now add "desk" to their titles. We have a separate and unrelated designation for those who do wet work. They are part of the dirty hands division, and trust me, you do not want to meet any of them. This will make dividing the employees into teams for the office competitive events easier since we can do desk versus field games instead of shirts versus skins. The skins teams always get offended with this policy. This is no longer an issue. I have created the solution.
AcMo has desk and field engineers and desk and field sales staff. The best learning is done in the field, where the textbooks can't help you any longer. Every member of the AcMo staff starts out as a field agent, and is only transitioned into desk status after I'm satisfied training is complete. Back when Honda had an F1 team that could win races, all of their engineers were required to cycle through that program to help them build better road cars. Honda got the idea after a visit to AcMo's headquarters. Some part of my process must have been lost in translation. The F1 team's performance changed the moment field rotation was implemented. Honda had to bow out of the sport and sold their team for $1 (I think US) to Ross Brawn. The team became instant winners after the transfer. Do you see how successful AcMo's influence is on winning organizations? AcMo guarantees success or failure.
Are you a desk or field agent? Be honest. Me? I'm out in the field every day, writing down what everyone else is doing for future review, and possible appropriation of best practices. AcMo isn't trying to reinvent the wheel, we only want to claim we invented the wheel in the first place. If that fails, we follow as close as possible in the steps of our bigger competitors. That list should be reduced by the time my work with the agency concludes.
If I am successful, I will be able to roll out my delayed dossant™ bakery without fear of reprisal from the establishments I can't name at this time. Now I need to change email addresses and print new business cards for all of my field and desk staff before our weekly team building competitive event.
AcMo has desk and field engineers and desk and field sales staff. The best learning is done in the field, where the textbooks can't help you any longer. Every member of the AcMo staff starts out as a field agent, and is only transitioned into desk status after I'm satisfied training is complete. Back when Honda had an F1 team that could win races, all of their engineers were required to cycle through that program to help them build better road cars. Honda got the idea after a visit to AcMo's headquarters. Some part of my process must have been lost in translation. The F1 team's performance changed the moment field rotation was implemented. Honda had to bow out of the sport and sold their team for $1 (I think US) to Ross Brawn. The team became instant winners after the transfer. Do you see how successful AcMo's influence is on winning organizations? AcMo guarantees success or failure.
Are you a desk or field agent? Be honest. Me? I'm out in the field every day, writing down what everyone else is doing for future review, and possible appropriation of best practices. AcMo isn't trying to reinvent the wheel, we only want to claim we invented the wheel in the first place. If that fails, we follow as close as possible in the steps of our bigger competitors. That list should be reduced by the time my work with the agency concludes.
If I am successful, I will be able to roll out my delayed dossant™ bakery without fear of reprisal from the establishments I can't name at this time. Now I need to change email addresses and print new business cards for all of my field and desk staff before our weekly team building competitive event.
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