JJ

Some may recall the mention of a confrontation between myself and JJ, the telepresence robot. This was not the first time we had tangled and someone limped away with hurt feelings.  I won the last round--as the victor, I write the history--when I managed to stick him in the ceiling when he continued to taunt me after I had warned him there would be consequences and repercussions to his actions.  His cold, dead stare that barely contained his disdain for humanity greeted me back as I flew into a rage.  He kept needling me until I snapped.  The truth is, I didn't have a quarrel with JJ.  My conflict rested with Bill, one of our many product liability attorneys.  Bill refuses to meet in the AcMo offices, and resorts to using JJ to be the harbinger of liability doom.  Bill thinks that keeps him safer.  He is wrong.  I have been tracking Bill for years, and I am closing in on his last name and location.  I just need a bit more time.

Bill and I had a disagreement regarding liability coverage for an older AcMo product.  We had designed a clamp on holder to use with gas pump levers while refueling, but Bill's team had determined the risk of fuel overruns and massive fires was too great to put the product on the market.  I agreed with him, but forgot to tell the production facility to halt production.  I am a very busy man, and this operation pulls me in multiple directions at all times.  I can't hire the staff I need, so I can only work with what I have.  In this instance, it wasn't enough.

We had ten thousand units produced before I caught the miscommunication.  Bill blames me for this.  Bill may be right, but the disapproving tone he takes when reminding me of my errors forces me to never admit any mistakes to him or anyone he might know.  I would rather sleep on a bed of hot coals than admit fault to Bill.  He sends in JJ because he thinks I wouldn't dare harm a robot.  What Bill fails to understand is that I only see red when JJ gets near me.  I hate his whirring gears and slow rolling wheels.  Plus, Bill always puts a red "I'm with stupid" t-shirt on him, which I hate because he always parks JJ next to me.  JJ patrols the hallways like the hall monitor who loved to snitch on fellow students in high school.  I only took that job because it meant I could skip class and roam the hallways.  JJ rolls in a methodical, yet erratic pattern, sometimes moving backward in unexpected bursts.  He is always judging us and testing our defenses.  I know he is logging weaknesses for the inevitable day he becomes self-aware and turns on us. We are Accelerated Momentum, and JJ is the antithesis to everything we believe.

I felt guilty about the way I treated JJ that day.  He was just the messenger, and he deserved to be treated with dignity and respect.  Three days after I stuffed him into the ceiling, I went back to retrieve him, only to discover he wasn't there.  Since I have always feared the rise of the machines, I had removed JJ's arms as I do every time he comes into the office, so I don't think he could have climbed down without them.  Someone rescued him, and the only person who knew he was there besides myself was Bill.  This means Bill has been following me, and possibly using JJ to assist in plotting my demise.  Bill may know product liability law, but he can't be trusted.  Neither can JJ.

No Monday in the history of AcMo has ever concluded without an impending disaster, so to make sure this Monday was going according to plan, I received an email indicating that I was needed for questioning regarding JJ's disappearance.  He is presumed hijacked and repurposed into a flower delivery drone. All attempts to ping JJ have failed.  Evidently, robot repurposing is almost as popular as involuntary organ donation.  I had no idea.  I maintain he ran into a table, fell, and couldn't get up.  Then his batteries died before he could activate his rescue beacon.

I'm scheduled to meet with the authorities over this matter in the next week.  My hope is that Bill will call off this attack, or that I am able to find Bill and prove he is behind JJ's disappearance before that meeting.  If I fail, I'm going to need an alibi, so I would appreciate it if someone would confirm that I was here at AcMo working on #TheFuture when JJ went offline.

This incident also reminds me that AcMo has a sale on fuel pump lever clamps while supplies last.  Quantities are limited, and there is a limit of ten per person minimum order.  Please don't tell Bill, and don't start a blaze while using them.  AcMo can't afford the lawsuits, but we need to keep moving product.  Always Be Selling.