Bottle Innovations

This is not the post that was supposed to signal the end of Innovation Week at AcMo.  That post will have to wait for another Innovation Week.  Today I will be introducing our newest product idea that many DIY home mechanics should embrace.

WD-40 kicked off the game when the new spray nozzle with integrated straw was created.  I wanted to bring that same level of innovative thinking to an old staple of the automotive industry, namely the oil bottle.  This has to be done now because soon we will no longer need oil for our automobile engines, so AcMo wants to capitalize on this short profit window.  Plus, if what I've been hearing is true, we'll soon be out of oil altogether which would negate the need for bottles to hold it.

Most AcMo innovations occur after a mishap in the shop.  This one is no exception.  One of the mechanics, Moe, was changing the oil on a shop vehicle yesterday when an accident occurred.  It was more like two accidents occurred.  Moe had already been banned from working on vehicles due to a serious error that damaged a customer's car that we had been using for testing purposes.  That customer no longer owns the vehicle as a result.  We were short-staffed at the time, and the supervisor forgot that Moe was on the banned list.  It was just a simple oil change, so it shouldn't have been a problem.

Simple tasks often devolve(this word does not mean what I thought it did) degenerate into major nightmares at AcMo.  I'm still not sure why this keeps happening.  We must have constructed our headquarters on a cousin of the Bermuda Triangle's or something.  Normal incompetence can't even begin to explain the issues we have in the shop.  There must be a higher power punishing us for something we did in a past life.  I think it is from a past life because everything we've done in this life has been beyond reproach.  We have the video to back up that statement.

Anyway, back to Moe and his "accident".  Moe hates funnels.  He's been that way ever since he was a child.  It had something to do with his older brothers and an unfortunate teasing session gone wrong, but he refuses to elaborate on it.  The way his face changes colors and embodies unbridled fear whenever he gets near a funnel tells most of the story.  So, you can guess that when filling a car's fluids, Moe refuses to use a funnel.  This is how the customer's test vehicle erupted into flames, and got Moe banned from the shop.  We keep him employed here because he has OCD, and can't stop cleaning, so the shop is always spotless as a result. Moe began adding oil to the vehicle, of course without a funnel, and most of it ended up on the engine instead of in it.  This is a problem for a number of reasons that seem to escape Moe's thinking.

Moe punched the ticket on the work order and returned to his daily cleaning routine. When we went to start the car for a systems check before the test drive, every warning light imaginable, and some we didn't know existed, lit.  The car's computer indicated it was low on oil, and then the fire started in the engine bay.  This is the second time a car Moe has worked on has caught on fire.  There can't be a third.  We're running out of non-fire damaged vehicles.

The damage was superficial, and we won't even have to tell the customer what happened, but we needed a solution that would prevent this from happening again other than putting Moe on permanent lockdown since he was already on triple secret probation.  That's when the integrated funnel was pulled out of the ether.  This funnel is built into the inner neck of the oil bottle, and allows for fitment into almost any oil fill hole without drama.  A small membrane that opens by squeezing the bottle prevents oil from spilling out before the bottle is in the correct position.

This innovation will eliminate expensive oil spills, and prevent further loss of what is now an endangered resource.  It is simple, like most of us at AcMo, and inexpensive to implement.  We have already 3D printed a test bottle and it has performed better than expected.  The next step is to approach the major automotive oil producers with our patented and proprietary bottle technology to get them on board before they all go out of business.  My experts have estimated we have months before the oil reserves are depleted, and then we will all be driving electric cars.  That reduces our timetable a great deal, but we are all about accelerated timetables.  Accelerated is half of our name after all.

One side effect of our new bottle technology is that the need for work towels to clean up oil spills will diminish.  This could put a few paper towel manufacturers in an uncomfortable financial position.  I can't focus on that right now because AcMo has more than enough problems to keep us occupied for the foreseeable future.  Massive oil spills while adding oil will become as extinct as the oil itself soon.  We're glad about that.

This modification can also be used for brake fluid containers, and since brake fluid has a voracious appetite for paint, it may make changing brake fluid far less dangerous to the car's finish.  This might also have the unintended consequence of causing touch up paint suppliers to close, but I can't account for every angle.  

Once we have established the utility of this bottle modification, we will attack every market that has bottled products.  It shouldn't take long for complete market saturation, and that should help keep AcMo operating for a few more weeks.