The Return of Snob Duben

Someone once told me that running from problems puts them behind you, but doesn't eliminate them.  I didn't believe it at the time, but I am a true believer now.  I've run from my problems since I was a child.  I always checked for tails when traveling anywhere, making certain to never stop at my destination if I thought someone was watching.  Whenever I was inside a building, I always sat with my back to the wall with a clear view of the exits and entrance.  I never kept the same phone for more than three weeks, and never used it to make outgoing calls.

I thought I was thorough, and I thought I had left my biggest problem in the past.  I had a business partner back in the first months of AcMo's creation.  I thought it was going to be a perfect match when we formed the partnership.  It devolved into a nightmare before we had received our complimentary batch of free business cards.  This was an equal partnership, but someone refused to read the memo, or the contracts.  I had just begun matriculating at Law & Order University, so my legal acumen was not as high as it is today.   To be honest, I'm not certain my degree could have prepared me for what happened.

AcMo's second operating day was almost its last.  My partner, Mr. Snob Duben, had taken it upon himself to rename our organization even though we had agreed I would handle all creative endeavors.  He had changed all of our signage, logos, and stationery without authorization.  He changed our company name to Dubendous Momentum?!  "Moving at the speed of Duben"  What does that even mean?  The logo had become a giant wheel with wings and mouth that was breathing fire.  It was the epitome of terrible design.  I gag sometimes now just thinking about it.

I called a vote regarding his changes, but a puzzling thing happened after the vote.  We were met with a stalemate.  I voted against, and of course he voted for his disastrous decisions.  No one warned me that an even number of partners could lead to voting issues.  I called for a recount, but no matter how many times we reviewed the votes, the outcome was always the same.  We spent all evening voting.  No actual business was conducted during our voting review.

This drama went on for the entire first operating month.  I pleaded with Snob to allow me to buy his share, but he just turned his nose up at me.  He was defiant in his claim that the world would soon know the name Snob Duben and his company, Dubendous Momentum.  Excuse me?  His company?  That was the moment I snapped and did something I regret to this day.  I resigned and signed over my shares before walking out the door and leaving Snob Duben and his stupid company behind me.  Or so I had thought.

Dubendous Momentum went out of business after its second month of operation.  We all knew it would.  No company with a name that dumb has any right to be successful.  I think there are laws against that.  If there aren't, there should be.  I swooped in at the bankruptcy sale to repurchase my assets and re-establish AcMo as the corporate juggernaut I knew it could be.  It was at the sale that I learned Snob Duben had disappeared under strange circumstances.  There was a rumor that he had left a note behind which stated that he wasn't missing, and that I knew where he was.  It also stated I had this information because I was the one who had made him disappear.  Say what?

I have no need to fear prosecution when I tell you that I wished for him to disappear on multiple occasions, but I've also wished for all of the Victoria's Secret models to pop out of my birthday cakes, and neither of those things ever happened.  Needless to say, it was quite uncomfortable being so close to all of those law enforcement people knowing they may be looking into me as a possible actor in Snob Duben's disappearance and the demise of his business.  This situation was problematic for me because I didn't have an alibi or anyone who could corroborate the story I didn't have.  Back in those days I kept a low profile which meant that I didn't interact with anyone in public because those conversations were too easy to record.

I sought legal counsel because I was years away from receiving my degree.  My first lawyer told me my only chance was to take a plea.  She wouldn't deviate from this stance even though I reminded her that I hadn't yet been charged.  She kept saying that I needed to be proactive and get in front of this.  She said the quicker we change the news cycle, the quicker my problems disappear.  I almost listened to her, but my gut told me I needed to run.  I think she works in Washington, DC now.  I left our first meeting and went straight home.  I grabbed my go bag and hit the road.  It was a good five years before I found a semi-permanent home.

It only took a few months after those five years of running to re-establish AcMo and restore my good name, however, the ghost of Snob Duben was always right behind me.  I wondered what had happened to him, and why he would implicate me in his disappearance and possible murder.
 
He had been presumed dead for the past 20 years, but he wasn't dead.  He had a new name, passport, fingerprints, and Williams Martini racing baseball cap, but this mysterious international business man  resurfaced.  I first realized I was being followed when I saw someone twenty feet behind me using binoculars to stare at me.  At first I dismissed him as a crazy bird watcher (I assure you, I look nothing like any known species of bird).  Then my gut went into alarm mode.  I knew him from somewhere.

Spoiler alert:  it was Snob Duben!  He had been plotting revenge against me since the day we met.  I never would have put the story together on my own.  He told me how he had come to wish ruin upon me.  Snob is a man of delicate sensibilities, and I once (once!) made the mistake of insulting his car, and that marked me for total ruination in his eyes.

Snob is not a master tactician though, so while he planned his disappearance with analytical precision, he forgot to plan the other stages of his revenge plan.  He had to watch in the shadows while I built the AcMo empire out of the ashes of his failed, and stupid endeavor.  He only showed up now because he wants to partner again.  He says he has some ideas that he says can take AcMo to the next level.  Since he isn't dead, I can't be charged on suspicion of murder any longer!  This could be a win-win situation.

AcMo is a company that always strives to be on a higher level, so I'm willing to hear what he has to offer.  What's the worst that can happen?