Hobby Time

Since the prying eyes of my own security cameras are not focused on me this week, I have more free time.  My performance improves when focused on specific tasks, which is why I like working so much at AcMo.  We always have something in development or a crisis to resolve.  However, the board suggested I find new hobbies or I may risk a complete mental breakdown.  I'm not worried though because I had my mental break ten years ago and never bothered returning from that.  Don't tell them.  That is one of the secret weapons I wield to manage AcMo's numerous and diverse interests. The line of strings linking my operational hierarchy is an impressive tangle that resembles a drunken spider web.  The best part is that my strings can only be hacked by someone who is in the room, and since no one knows the location of my string room, and no one is allowed in it, that will never happen. 

There are certain things in life that can't be learned.  Origami has to be one of them.  No matter how many times I fold that paper, instead of a pterodactyl, I get a flat football.  Every single time.  I can feel another breakdown fomenting in my brain as a result.  I would be OK if I maybe managed to fold a swan once or twice, but no, it has to be that football.  Perhaps that's my subconscious trying to force me into creating AcMo Football by which we will revolutionize the professional game through the use of flat footballs made of paper.

The former board member I put into the hospital (not liable, it's Compensation Package's fault) and a trusted consultant both recommended yoga.  The trusted consultant has admitted to falling asleep in class, and the former board member talks about the benefits of yoga but no longer attends classes. The idea of extra nap time is always nice, but I don't think I should have to pay to sleep in a room with a bunch of other people. 

I tried to find a new hobby in an AcMo fashion, so I browsed Craigslist in search of interesting for sale ads.  Once I found a winner, I would then call the seller and offer her/him a job in our marketing department without making an offer to buy the advertised merchandise.  This was fun the first few times, both because the current marketing department head would flip out every time she heard about the calls, and second because I found a couple of excellent marketing candidates.  One of them even showed up for work, but since this is remote week, we weren't there.  I had to stop interviewing candidates after an undercover police officer ruined everything.  I think I am well within my constitutional rights to buy and sell services via Craigslist, but I do admit there is a bit of grey area there.  However, just because I can't account for where I sourced 50-100 60" flat screen TVs I have in storage does not mean they were stolen.  In fact, the TVs aren't even mine. I'm holding them for a friend. 

Hypnosis sounds like it could be interesting.  Imagine the options I would have available to me if I could master hypnosis.  Bank managers would no longer be able to deny our business loans, I could negotiate merger deals without giving up any equity or anything of value, and I could also close that deal to acquire the Glengarry leads that have eluded me for years.  This one will go into the potential list until I have time to further research exactly what level of mind control I can exert over people via hypnosis.  Hypnosis combined with my growing telepathy could turn me into an unstoppable business force.  That's all I should say about this right now.  You are getting very tired...this entire paragraph did not exist.

I had a strategy session with a trusted advisor earlier this evening. At some point in the beginning of our conversation her dialogue went sideways. I was unable to follow the words in the order she was presenting them. I tried to feign comprehension, but I was too tired to maintain the charade. I had to tell her I was giving up on the conversation. I didn't feel great about doing that, but I couldn't see a viable recovery method. That may become my new hobby even though we don't like to give up on anything at AcMo.  I will need to test this further when I'm in the field, and the next time I'm conversing with a law enforcement officer. 

The truth I've been avoiding is that AcMo is my hobby.  I have an accelerating conglomerate that has interests in every major market sector except chocolate.  This unprecedented breadth of corporate holdings affords me the capability to build anything and do anything I can imagine.  That's why we're building a space ship.  In part because I was bored and wanted to know what was beyond our planet, and also because we could.  Plus, all of the leaks at Google have helped me assemble knowledge I would not have otherwise been able to obtain.  Since their plan is to take control of search in space, it seems prudent to get there before them this time.

Conquering space is an ongoing project and it won't begin until next year at the earliest.  Today I feel like designing something new for us to build.  Perhaps I will have a planning meeting to create a plan for a brainstorming session to discuss what to build.  I know that sounds like a lot of meetings, but I've learned that meetings make everyone involved feel productive, even when they aren't.  Morale is almost as important as actual results.  My employees are motivated because they think we are changing the world.  We are, of course, but not in the way they think.  That plan will be revealed at another time.  Right now I need to schedule several important meetings.  We're so efficient that one of those meetings--perhaps the most important--s cheduled itself for breakfast Monday morning.