There is a special routine here on Fridays. Most of the competent staff members assemble in conference room 3 for a special meeting. We use this time to sort the week's bounty from our operational manual hunt. The first half is spent collating the pages, and then the fun starts. We compile the manuals. This process occurs every Friday, and at least twice a year we conclude with a complete operational manual from a competitor.
This is vital to our continued success since these manuals help us to avoid colossal blunders that could sink us. This is one of the many secret weapons AcMo utilizes to remain a market leader while controlling a diverse and vast network of companies. This is how the engineers built our rail gun in two weeks. If only we could find the pages to the targeting system's manual, we'd be ready to rock. We have been in talks to patent our system, but we are concerned that it would give our competitors the opportunity to create countermeasures to eliminate our access.
Today was a different kind of Friday. I mentioned in a previous post that I am training to walk through glass, and that training took an unfortunate turn today which caused me to miss the assembly meeting. I went back to my spot in front of the Ducati dealership to practice with a tangible goal in sight. That 1199 was so close! I could almost feel it. Then I realized I was feeling it because I had managed to place my right hand through the glass.
That was the good part. The bad part was that I had not taken off my watch because I didn't think I would be so successful this soon. When my concentration lapsed, my hand was stuck inside the building at my wrist because I couldn't phase my watch. The worst part is that I could see the face and it forced me to gaze as every second passed. It was a slow and cruel reminder that I was missing my favorite meeting of the week. I've never concentrated so hard in my life. I had to get myself free before the sales staff noticed I was touching the motorcycle.
I'm learning that getting into complicated situations proves to be far easier than extraction. I can't figure out why that is true. It's almost as if my cleverness depletes itself mid-operation--which should be impossible since I'm so clever, but there it is. That's exactly what happened in this situation. I couldn't even get my undiluted pure wisdom water out of my water bottle because it was on my right side. People passing by on the street were starting to stare. It was inevitable that someone would alert security if I couldn't escape. I poured every last bit of energy I had into my newfound power. It worked, and my hand emerged from the glass! Did you really think I would have failed with something so important on the line?
The ER staff treated me like a rock star after the massive blood loss I suffered from my wrist laceration. You'd think they had heard about AcMo or something. I'm also grateful to the people who donate blood during the drives. I wouldn't be here right now without it. The police didn't even need to question me because I had a plausible story as to how my hand ended up resting in the glass. 225 stitches later, I emerged from the hospital a new man. I missed this week's special meeting, but I gained a new appreciation for the pain of being sliced open by sharp glass. To continue the educational theme of the day, I also learned that I need to develop different training techniques to increase my new powers.
If you see me on the street now you'll know why my hand is bandaged, and you won't even have to ask.
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