AcMo Water®

It took a while for the full effect of the fountain's wisdom water to reach me.  It happened the moment I self water boarded during a boating mishap on our trip to the Pacific Northwest.  I can now be certain that water boarding is a terrible party game.  The surprise benefit of my near death experience is that my mind activated and I am now on the next level.  You will have to take my word for this, but I typed this entire post without using my hands, and only minimal use of my brain.  I'm talking less than 5%.  Yeah, I am becoming a telepath, deal with it.  That's what the fountain of wisdom can do.
AcMo is now pleased to announce that we can now offer a taste of higher cognitive functions to all of you.  The best news is that the first bottle is free!  AcMo Water® contains 0.000000001% fountain of wisdom water by volume in each bottle--come on, you didn't think I was going to be dumb enough to give up this resource to everyone, did you?  Once we analyzed the water's components, we realized that unknown and unnatural ingredients--or parasites, it's hard to differentiate with the microscope--give it the brain power boost capability. Drink one and enjoy self-actualization!  That percentage isn't enough to make you smarter, but it will keep you from getting more dumb than you currently are at this moment.  All bets are off if you consume Coca-Cola® on a regular basis (feel free to prove me correct in the comments).  Not even the fountain can help you if that's the scenario.

This is 100% natural reclaimed reverse osmosis rain water, but the placebo effect is powerful.  Our fancy label and outrageous marketing will prove the brain boosting potential of our water.   This isn't our first market attack, so we do what we've always done when entering a hostile environment.  The basis of every AcMo move is to follow the leaders.  AcMo Water®'s business plan is copied verbatim from the Red Bull operating manual.  Don't ask how we acquired it.   I didn't want to share the fountain water, but this revenue stream is too lucrative to ignore.  This venture could be the foundation for multiple Formula One teams, funding for our entire space program, and funding for all of our automotive projects.  It would also enable us to return some of our customer's cars we've been testing without their knowledge or permission.  Expect to see us diversify the AcMo brand into additional markets once sales of the water reach ridiculous levels.

I want to assure all of the people who are concerned about the impact of plastics on our environment that we manufacture our own BPA free bottles made from recycled materials. We're almost certain the recycling process cleans the bottles, but just in case, use a clean shirt or blouse to wipe the mouth of the bottle before drinking from it the first time.  If your bottle happens to have lipstick on it, DO NOT ask me whose it was, I have no idea. 

The true beauty of wisdom is that it enables options.  We have a separate product in the development phase that will also leverage the fountain's power:  AcMo GO!® juice. This provides a burst of focused mental acuity to help power you through difficult tasks. If you are dumb, don't try to use the GO!® juice as a crutch.  The stuff can become addictive, and it makes it difficult to sleep at night. We are developing a product for that as well, AcMo STOP!® juice.  Be patient because we only have so much time each day to develop all of these products.

A lot of last week's development time was spent working on a side project.  I am using my newfound wisdom to learn how to walk through glass so I can pick up some new wheels for corporate transportation and testing purposes.  So far I've managed to get my vision through the glass, but nothing else.  I may just trick Fred into over boosting through the window for me.  We still need to test his new impact suit and crash helmet anyway.  If that isn't the epitome of killing two birds with one stone, I don't know what is.

THIS is the type of accelerative power we must have at AcMo.