AcMo Detective Services

This past weekend was a rough one.  Negotiations with Snob Duben were progressing on schedule when he decided to go offensive.  He destabilized our efforts at creating a peace accord when he brought up the Burbank incident.  I am about to declare war on his business interests if he doesn't relent.  Sure, I brought it up first, but I don't pay attention to what I write on this blog.  The words leave my brain, enter the screen, and that's the last I ever think of them.  I have no idea what was written last Thursday for example.  Sure, I could look, but I still wouldn't remember it.  It's almost as if someone else was writing these posts, that's how unfamiliar they are to me.  I need to confirm that the words I craft are the same ones that end up on the page.  I wouldn't put it past Omnicron Corp. to attempt to hack into our servers to alter our posts.

Now is not the time to be operating at anything less than peak paranoia and performance levels.  We have several large deals approaching, and due to our recent loss, we can't afford for any of them to be duds.  That's why it is important to check your explosive ordnance by exploding some of it first.  It is the only way to be certain it will work the moment you want it to blow something to bits.  Just make sure not to test all of it.  Of course we have an explosive ordnance division that handles the heavy lifting.  We are always looking for volunteers to fill the ranks as this job is tough on applicants.  A willingness to lose limbs is a prerequisite to excel in that position.

That isn't why I called this meeting today.  Our troubling week included security breaches of the most egregious nature.  The damage must be contained and all efforts are being put forth to prevent further issues from occurring.  In order to accomplish this, we have done what AcMo does best:  created a new division to handle the problem.  At this time it is important that I can maintain deniability if the situation gets messy, so I don't know who is working in detective services which was just ranked world's top detective division on some website.  It is better for my safety and yours that we keep it that way until this situation is resolved.  The person sitting next to you right now could be working for us.  We have people everywhere.

When someone or something goes missing, there are a number of options that can lead to possible satisfactory remedies.  In our situation, our operational security is so critical, that we can't afford to have outside parties involved in our business.  Still, we're human, and even we misplace people and property at times.  We misplaced Compensation Package for months before Fred found it.  Since the traditional recovery methods are not available to us, we had to create something new.  This is inspired in part by the fact that I'm sick of Sherlock Holmes and Batman being credited as two of the world's greatest detectives.  They have the benefit of an omniscient author giving them all of the clues required to solve a crime.  Let's see how well they can do without that.  I'm thinking they wouldn't even register as average at that point.  I am confident we can bring that title home to AcMo, which is why right now is the ideal time to create the AcMo Detective Services division.

Detective Services has already received its first assignment, which is to track down our missing cash so we can get it back and working for us again.  I've provided all of the data I had from the theft, including my blood samples--to prove I was drugged, and I've already been told we should have results within the next week.  At least I hope that's why the lab took my blood samples.  Bad things would happen if it was used to make a clone or two.  Expedient results are beneficial because standing up a new service isn't cheap, and this one is resource intensive.  As long as it delivers, it will be worth the cost.

During a situation like this, the first call would have been to the police, but since I'm concerned that some officers may be involved in the theft, I've decided to refrain from telling them I know they stole our funds.  Plus, it's dangerous to make enemies with the police force.  I shouldn't bring this up, but the chief of police is still upset with us for using the SWAT team without authorization.  I have the paper work to prove I had authorization, so I don't understand the anger.

There are thousands of moving pieces to this operation, and I'm juggling all of them in my brain.  It is mental gymnastics of the highest order.  Only someone with a twelfth level intellect or a Cracker Jack secret decoder ring could manage it all.  This reminds me that I need to notify detective services that I lost my decoder ring at some point over the weekend.  Too much stuff has gone missing here.  Soon we're going to need to start using RFID tags to track all of our stuff.

I have to play this cool because I can't let Snob Duben know his destabilization effort was so successful.  If he finds out we have a sudden cash flow problem, and that I am not operating at my full potential, he might squeeze us for a better deal.  It doesn't matter if I'm not negotiating from a position of strength as long as he thinks I am.  I don't know how many times I have to repeat that perception is reality before you people will start to believe that.

The team may not have the reputations of Sherlock Holmes or Batman, but their experience working undercover in banking institutions has trained them to identify numerous methods of money laundering that should prove beneficial to our search and rescue mission.  Make no mistake, this is a legitimate and quite serious search and rescue mission.  Failure on this one is not an option.