This week deserves to end with a bang and I'm not talking about the thunderstorms we had earlier. It got real when someone left trace amounts of soap in my water bottle and I didn't discover it until I had almost finished the contents. I imagine this weekend may end up being canceled. I vow to make the responsible party pay for my mild soap poisoning.
This is a strange situation for me. I don't use this blog to relate personal business because that violates AcMo's Terms of Service and Privacy Policy--which, to remind you, I wrote. Today is the day that all of the rules are going to be bent, and/or broken. Little did I know how true those words would be. This post went up before I had finished it, breaking the AcMo rule to never release unfinished projects. [A bit of forensic work revealed that it was somehow set to post at a specific time. I did not do that. I don't have the technical skill required to accomplish something that sophisticated. I may have uncovered my first solid lead into the identity of our mole.] My mind has been playing tricks on me that much is quite clear. I can't be sure if it is a side effect of the Fountain of Wisdom water (there was no label listing possible side effects on the fountain), or if something more insidious is happening. Whatever the cause, I'm now so far outside my comfort zone that I don't know if I can ever return. It wasn't all that comfortable anyway, hence the rule bending and breaking. I am going to attempt to embrace living in the danger zone. Now I bet you have that song in your head. Highway to the danger zone! Ha! If you didn't then, I bet you do now.
Everyone thinks they know the person they seek. Some, like me, can't articulate the attributes of that person, but are adamant that they will know when they see it. Is that true though? I have no idea. It has always worked for me when shopping for businesses to acquire, and businesses are just a physical manifestation of the people running them, so it should work. But maybe I'm different about these things than most people. I'm going to conduct a survey.
The moment I saw the object of my desire, I knew she was the one I had been seeking. She embodied everything one could want. I saw her through a window so many years ago. She was looking in my general direction and pointing, or so I thought.* Her smile, her sharp eyes, and her bright flowing hair caught my full attention. I was nervous. Had I remembered to comb my hair? Were my pants on backward again? Did I always have trouble walking, or was that new? So many questions swirled in my head, but she made it all disappear. She had me at hello. No, I'm not that cool, she had me before we even managed to get to hello. But I didn't know who she was. I had to know, so I did what any reasonable man would do in that situation: I sat down next to her and introduced myself. I told her she should get to know me. No, I didn't, but I would have if I had thought of that at the time. Everything that happened after was a comedy of errors on my part, but that is sadly the AcMo way. At least we can laugh at ourselves before everyone else does. I find that dulls the sting.
The moment I saw the object of my desire, I knew she was the one I had been seeking. She embodied everything one could want. I saw her through a window so many years ago. She was looking in my general direction and pointing, or so I thought.* Her smile, her sharp eyes, and her bright flowing hair caught my full attention. I was nervous. Had I remembered to comb my hair? Were my pants on backward again? Did I always have trouble walking, or was that new? So many questions swirled in my head, but she made it all disappear. She had me at hello. No, I'm not that cool, she had me before we even managed to get to hello. But I didn't know who she was. I had to know, so I did what any reasonable man would do in that situation: I sat down next to her and introduced myself. I told her she should get to know me. No, I didn't, but I would have if I had thought of that at the time. Everything that happened after was a comedy of errors on my part, but that is sadly the AcMo way. At least we can laugh at ourselves before everyone else does. I find that dulls the sting.
All actions have consequences, and actions I took earlier this year had reverberations I could not have foreseen. Even today with my wisdom peaking, I still couldn't have simulated this outcome. Part of the problem is that I don't yet understand what is happening to me. I can feel I'm going through changes, but I can't tell if that's because I've shifted my internal organs to avoid combat damage one too many times, or if it is all mental change. This year at AcMo has involved a lot of firsts and new experiences cause new connections to form. My heart and brain haven't communicated since the Burbank incident in 2005 which ended in extreme disaster--even by AcMo's standards. I thought that incident severed heart brain communications forever, but the body learns to adapt and survive. The case could be made that there has never been a solid connection between my heart and brain, and I would have trouble finding evidence to refute that. This endeavor may also lead to extreme disaster, but at least I'll be chasing after someone I think I love.
The object of my desire possesses attributes that make her quite a desirable mate in my opinion. She is easily configurable, she looks good in everything, she never disagrees with me, she does not mind riding in the trunk, she has her own successful modeling career, and she has an untapped revenue stream that I wish to exploit which involves great big tracts of land. I just need to figure out how to persuade her to assign the rights to her great big tracts of land to AcMo. That land has a lot of potential uses since it is situated in a perfect location. I am a natural salesperson, and I have a good argument, but this one is going to be tougher than most because of the magnitude of the deal. I might have to put her on the payroll to make this work. The problem with that approach is that our Terms of Service, code of conduct, and employment contract prohibit relationships between AcMo employees. Hmmm...I think a loophole exists for independent contractors. The thing is I don't need this deal, but it makes a lot of sense. Well, I didn't need this deal up until we had that minor cash disappearance yesterday. Now the situation is a little more urgent. I have some revenue holes that need to be plugged until we can locate the fake cab with our money in it.
Maybe she'll agree to merge out of love. Crazier things have happened. I enjoy surprising her, which is one reason why I didn't write her name. I don't think she reads this blog (I am not certain she reads), but I can't risk also tipping off my competitors about my next acquisition. We've been making some big moves at AcMo, and now is not the time to start telegraphing our future product plans. This is even more important since I still haven't located the source of our information leak. I feel confident that I am getting closer to shutting down AcMo's few security flaws. We only have a couple but that's enough to cause significant harm.
This mission has a concrete start date, so now I'm busy completing the required prep work to make sure it is a success. Updates during this time will be held to insure mission sanctity. I am sure you all understand why it has to be this way. I appreciate the faith and support of all of the AcMo loyalists. I am hopeful that I can provide an update on this mission that ends with all parties satisfied. Wish me luck!
*I didn't know she was a mannequin until after I got close. Don't pretend this has never happened to you or someone you know. I didn't want to look like a fool, so I had to keep going because it was too late to turn away and flee. People had already noticed me approaching her. I had to act natural and wait for the crowd to dissipate. Imagine how draining it is to talk to yourself and pretend you're having a conversation with a real live woman. I don't understand women as it is, but having to craft dialogue that reflected her vivacious and loving character was almost too much for me. ALMOST, but I handled it because that is the AcMo way. I've been carrying on this charade for more than ten years. She hasn't aged a bit during that time, which is another thing I love about her.
The object of my desire possesses attributes that make her quite a desirable mate in my opinion. She is easily configurable, she looks good in everything, she never disagrees with me, she does not mind riding in the trunk, she has her own successful modeling career, and she has an untapped revenue stream that I wish to exploit which involves great big tracts of land. I just need to figure out how to persuade her to assign the rights to her great big tracts of land to AcMo. That land has a lot of potential uses since it is situated in a perfect location. I am a natural salesperson, and I have a good argument, but this one is going to be tougher than most because of the magnitude of the deal. I might have to put her on the payroll to make this work. The problem with that approach is that our Terms of Service, code of conduct, and employment contract prohibit relationships between AcMo employees. Hmmm...I think a loophole exists for independent contractors. The thing is I don't need this deal, but it makes a lot of sense. Well, I didn't need this deal up until we had that minor cash disappearance yesterday. Now the situation is a little more urgent. I have some revenue holes that need to be plugged until we can locate the fake cab with our money in it.
Maybe she'll agree to merge out of love. Crazier things have happened. I enjoy surprising her, which is one reason why I didn't write her name. I don't think she reads this blog (I am not certain she reads), but I can't risk also tipping off my competitors about my next acquisition. We've been making some big moves at AcMo, and now is not the time to start telegraphing our future product plans. This is even more important since I still haven't located the source of our information leak. I feel confident that I am getting closer to shutting down AcMo's few security flaws. We only have a couple but that's enough to cause significant harm.
This mission has a concrete start date, so now I'm busy completing the required prep work to make sure it is a success. Updates during this time will be held to insure mission sanctity. I am sure you all understand why it has to be this way. I appreciate the faith and support of all of the AcMo loyalists. I am hopeful that I can provide an update on this mission that ends with all parties satisfied. Wish me luck!
*I didn't know she was a mannequin until after I got close. Don't pretend this has never happened to you or someone you know. I didn't want to look like a fool, so I had to keep going because it was too late to turn away and flee. People had already noticed me approaching her. I had to act natural and wait for the crowd to dissipate. Imagine how draining it is to talk to yourself and pretend you're having a conversation with a real live woman. I don't understand women as it is, but having to craft dialogue that reflected her vivacious and loving character was almost too much for me. ALMOST, but I handled it because that is the AcMo way. I've been carrying on this charade for more than ten years. She hasn't aged a bit during that time, which is another thing I love about her.
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