Resistance was building from the moment we started planning the IPO, but I didn't recognize it. Every media spot we tried to reserve was already booked by Alibaba. At the time I didn't know why, and I thought Alibaba was a person who just liked to party a lot. It took a lot of work to discover the truth. The whole idea of going public is new to me, and none of my business textbooks cover that. OK, I'm only kidding myself here. I still haven't read any of those books, so I have no idea what they cover.
Brand building which leads to empire building requires major funding. It has to come from somewhere, and there's no better pool of deep pocketed and willing investor than Wall Street. There are a few firms in Silicon Valley who can afford to fund us in perpetuity as well, but they seem to covet companies that have no hope of turning a profit and also don't provide any tangible product.
We have been scrambling all week since we found out about the Alibaba IPO tomorrow. I am shocked the major news outlets haven't been covering what might be the largest IPO in the history of IPOs. I had to hear about this from my barber. He's always been good at providing solid investment advice, and it is the only reason I keep my monthly appointment. I don't even have any hair that needs to be cut, so you can see how important his advice is to me and to AcMo.
We're going to do our best to limit our proposed stock sale to investors who exhibit a deep technical understanding of the markets and have a track record of consistent returns. We can't afford to be associated with a bubble economy or disreputable firms. If you think you have the level of expertise and investing acumen required, please message us for an investment packet. We will be happy to take your funds whether or not you've accurately assessed your skills. Funding this behemoth has never been simple, and it grows more complex by the day since we continue to accelerate and add new revenue streams.
I know what I said about Silicon Valley, but that was several minutes ago. In this environment everything changes in minutes. That's why it is critical to always be prepared to pivot. Sometimes we pivot so much that it makes us dizzy. So just to be safe, I may take my bus out there if I can retrieve it from the police impound. I can see if I can pick up any employees who fell out during our live fire training exercise as well. There might be people out there looking for them, and I imagine they want to get home by now. It's been months. I'm ashamed to say that I forgot about them, and the bus. I hope the bus is OK, but I know those bullet holes wouldn't have healed themselves. Wouldn't that be nice though? A new product idea is forming: self-healing vehicle bodies. Our current method of swapping body panels from random vehicles found in parking lots is both time and labor intensive. It is incredibly difficult to match paint as well. A self-healing vehicle body could dramatically reduce our on-track damage costs. That type of cost reduction alone might negate the need for additional outside funding sources.
A Silicon Valley roadshow as part of the AcMo IPO tour may be the key to unlocking an unlimited budget. If we can create a high enough burn rate from our funding rounds, we might be able to replenish our war chest so we can fight on two simultaneous fronts. Plus, it will allow us more time to hit the track and set more lap records. At the end of the day, it is always about lap times. Nothing else matters.
The plan for the roadshow is simple. I will disguise our party bus to look like the busses Google and other employers use to shuttle their employees. Once we get them onboard, we will take them to a secure location where we can hold them until their employers agree to invest. Because we will be set up with computers and internet access, I suspect most of them won't even notice they aren't at their actual offices. We will use that to our advantage and get them to code for us until we return them to their rightful place of employment. I've created a lot of brilliant plans in my lifetime, but I think this one has far surpassed my best previous efforts. It's probably the fountain of wisdom water.
We're going to do our best to limit our proposed stock sale to investors who exhibit a deep technical understanding of the markets and have a track record of consistent returns. We can't afford to be associated with a bubble economy or disreputable firms. If you think you have the level of expertise and investing acumen required, please message us for an investment packet. We will be happy to take your funds whether or not you've accurately assessed your skills. Funding this behemoth has never been simple, and it grows more complex by the day since we continue to accelerate and add new revenue streams.
I know what I said about Silicon Valley, but that was several minutes ago. In this environment everything changes in minutes. That's why it is critical to always be prepared to pivot. Sometimes we pivot so much that it makes us dizzy. So just to be safe, I may take my bus out there if I can retrieve it from the police impound. I can see if I can pick up any employees who fell out during our live fire training exercise as well. There might be people out there looking for them, and I imagine they want to get home by now. It's been months. I'm ashamed to say that I forgot about them, and the bus. I hope the bus is OK, but I know those bullet holes wouldn't have healed themselves. Wouldn't that be nice though? A new product idea is forming: self-healing vehicle bodies. Our current method of swapping body panels from random vehicles found in parking lots is both time and labor intensive. It is incredibly difficult to match paint as well. A self-healing vehicle body could dramatically reduce our on-track damage costs. That type of cost reduction alone might negate the need for additional outside funding sources.
A Silicon Valley roadshow as part of the AcMo IPO tour may be the key to unlocking an unlimited budget. If we can create a high enough burn rate from our funding rounds, we might be able to replenish our war chest so we can fight on two simultaneous fronts. Plus, it will allow us more time to hit the track and set more lap records. At the end of the day, it is always about lap times. Nothing else matters.
The plan for the roadshow is simple. I will disguise our party bus to look like the busses Google and other employers use to shuttle their employees. Once we get them onboard, we will take them to a secure location where we can hold them until their employers agree to invest. Because we will be set up with computers and internet access, I suspect most of them won't even notice they aren't at their actual offices. We will use that to our advantage and get them to code for us until we return them to their rightful place of employment. I've created a lot of brilliant plans in my lifetime, but I think this one has far surpassed my best previous efforts. It's probably the fountain of wisdom water.
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