AcMo Sleep®

Sleep is supposedly an important part of a healthy life.  It is alleged that sleep allows our minds to rest, our bodies to heal, and our souls to replenish.  If any of the above is accurate, sleep deprivation can have disastrous consequences on general effectiveness and quality of life.  It has been linked to the inability to solve problems, such as determining Waldo's current location.

Due to recent difficulties with noise attenuation during the early morning hours, development of our latest sleep aid has accelerated after a successful round of pet testing. The normal procedure would be to continue pet testing while starting on unsuspecting adult testing, but we need this product on the market now. We can spend the time that would have been wasted following standard testing protocols to instead use that to fabricate stellar test results.

Continued insomnia can cause progressive mental deterioration, so it is best to deal with it straight away when possible.  Dietary malfunctions are often associated with lack of sleep as well.  Judgment is impaired by mental fatigue, and AcMo needs me to stay sharp to keep the dream alive. Insomnia can lead to infomercial overload which results in impulsive shopping for unneeded items or purchases of products with extraordinary claims but of dubious quality. 

I went to our technicians in the lab and tasked them with creating a non-habit forming potion to maintain sustained sleep. They told me it was impossible until I reminded them that AcMo only deals with the impossible.  It took longer than I had hoped, but their hard work is about to be rewarded.  I'm considering having them work on a combination truth/love potion next. That could be fun. 

AcMo's scientists have developed a proven cure for snoring and insomnia that is guaranteed to work on even the most hardcore insomniacs. Narcolepsy is a possible side effect, so be prepared.   I'm not a doctor, but I have a good feeling about the product.  

It isn't just about curing insomnia.  We discovered by chance that AcMo GO!® juice has the potential to cause insomnia. We couldn't afford to recall the AcMo GO!® juice, so we had to design a product to counteract the GO!® juice's potential side effects.  Our AcMo Sleep can be used in conjunction with the GO!® juice so that people can power down when appropriate.

We have, on this rare occasion, taken the marketing department's advice and created an intravenous kit to administer either/both products on a pre-determined schedule.  The dispenser is still in beta since we haven't yet figured out how to reduce it to a portable size, and it has been experiencing flow problems which result in too much sleep and/or too much adrenaline production.  These are minor issues that will be resolved by the first or at worst second revision cycle.

In case the dispenser is not fixable, we will provide alternative delivery methods that will allow anyone to go to sleep when and where they desire.  We are so confident that this product works that we are offering a 100% satisfaction guarantee.  If you aren't satisfied for any reason, simply attach a ten page written report detailing your dissatisfaction, pay the standard shipping and handling fee along with an 80% restocking fee, and we will refund whatever money left after we take our profit.  Guarantees don't get any better than that. 

P.S.  Snob Duben is still on the attack. Earlier this evening, he tried to trick me into clicking a link to a story about a GIANT "puppy-sized"  spider. Of course I didn't click on it, but the irony is that he's the one afraid of spiders. This may be the fatigue speaking, but it appears he's forcing me to rescind my capitulation.  The psychological warfare campaign has been reinstated.  There will be fractured minds.