Track Mode Engaged

The new AcMo Forecasting Engine® was pressed into service on Friday when I predicted that C. Scagnetti would have a powerful response to his recent on-track exposure.  The AFE® uses past, current, future, and imaginary data to produce 100% accurate back dated predictions.  We are considering using this technology to eliminate the need for meteorologists and sports betting.

Accessing the zone on track results in a synergy between person and machine. The harmony created is similar to the feeling one gets from snowboarding or surfing, so I've been told--without the sharks.  I can't stress enough how dangerous sharks are. The vehicle becomes more than a rolling potential explosion.  It becomes an extension of your mind, hands, and feet.  It goes where you want, when you want.  The endorphin release from the experience fuels the drive to achieve it every time.  Every track veteran knows this on some level.  Some choose to leave it unspoken in their subconscious, while others are quite vocal about their motivations for going to the track.

The best traps are subtle, well planned, will not draw unwanted attention, will only lead to serious injury or death due to the victim's negligence, and succeed when the target is contained without knowing it.  AcMo has years of experience designing various types of traps.  That experience gave us the insight needed to create the perfect trap for C. Scagnetti.  The lure was set years ago, but I had to be patient for just the right bait to hook him.  My wait was rewarded after he spent the day at the track with his local Lotus dealership this past weekend.

The invitation received was innocuous enough.  It read, "Come join us for a day at the track with our miniature facsimile performance cars.  They may be toy cars, but they are fast enough to thrill you.  Pay us money and we'll let you thrash them and get ride-alongs from professional drivers."  I think it was sent to AcMo by mistake, but I seized upon our good fortune regardless.

It’s rare to find such perfect bait created by someone else who couldn't have known our intent.  Track veterans know all too well that once you get hooked, escape only happens after you've exhausted all of your funds.  My aim isn't to exhaust Scagnetti's funds, but to persuade him to steer the OPR investigation the right direction.  That direction is away from me.  

The facility hadn't banned AcMo yet, but I don't get out of bed for a track event with anything less than full-sized cars.  I did the logical thing when I forwarded the invite to C. Scagnetti.  The dual purpose was to earn favor for the OPR investigation and to get him hooked on track events.  I am proud to say that the mission was accomplished. Hannibal Smith and I both love it when a plan comes together.  The below vehicle pics had to be magnified 10x to make them look normal sized.

There were at least 100 more toy cars just behind Scagnetti.

Magnification attempts backfired on this pic, and the rainbow of colors doesn't diminish the toy factor.

The fastest toy car of them all, and Scagnetti's favorite on track ride.

There was a potential unmentioned bonus available to AcMo.  We might be able to improve our reputation if Scagnetti performed well at the event as an AcMo representative.  He did not disappoint.  He may be a terrible board member who never reads the memos, but he is an excellent unintentional brand ambassador.

Our usual routine for an event like this is to prep our test dummies before they arrive at the track.  Because Scagnetti hasn’t been reporting on a regular basis—this is a common trend with our representatives and board members—and I didn’t want to imprint any expectations on him, we sent him in ignorant.

We do not do that to valued clients.  Paying clients receive our full instructional seminar before each and every track event.  We outline the safest places to go off track, where and when it is acceptable to drive backward, and highlight the secret shortcuts to enable lap records.  None of our extensive track prep was needed since this wasn’t a traditional event and there weren't going to be any prizes for winning.

AcMo corporate policy prohibits employees from participating in any autocross events.  We are and have always been allergic to cones.  We stick to real cars on real tracks.  There was an autocross portion to the day’s events that I had not realized because my eyes glaze over and my brain fades when I see the word “autocross”.  Oops, I did it again.

I wish AcMo could take credit for Scagnetti’s performance, but we have no idea how he pulled off an impossible maneuver.  He managed to circumvent the course and still put the car in the finish box without incurring a time penalty.  He completed a perfect run without killing a single cone, even with his amazing off-course excursion and re-entry.  While the judges at the event awarded him, we frowned upon that because cone killing in someone else’s car is the best part of any autocross.

Scagnetti got hooked during his time on track in one of the fastest race versions the toy car manufacturer produces.  The car may be small, but it packs deceptive speed.  Real car manufacturers should take note because this car’s true gift is that it is lightweight and hyper-responsive.  I applaud them for keeping their cars light in this age of ever increasing heavy metal.  This crazy world has created a standard which has allowed two plus ton sports cars to become the new one ton lightweights.  I don't even think it makes sense to the manufacturers.

The event made enough of an impression on Scagnetti to turn him into one of our top salespeople.  He is already lobbying an AcMo VIP client to join the club.  He has also learned that BMW is building a dedicated facility at this track.  The sad part is that we sent out a memo last month about that, but he never read it, so when he found it from an independent source yesterday, he thought it was news.  He has pleaded with me to message AcMo’s BMW contacts to arrange a private day at the track.  Now I know I won’t have to worry about the OPR investigation going against me.  This was even easier than jury tampering—not that AcMo has ever done that.

Scagnetti has experience with real engined F1 cars in the recent past when there were qualifying engines and 20,000 rpm limits.  Earplugs were mandatory and not just a good idea.  He got to see one of the slightly quieter, slightly lower revving cars do its thing on track during his eventful day.  We were told either Simona de Silvestro or Didier Theys was driving the car.  We’ve confirmed that both were in attendance, but we couldn’t get our lens close enough to the driver to see who it was.

Earplugs aren't just for suckers any more.

Bring the noise!

It doesn’t matter who was driving because Derek Hill, Tommy Kendall and several other notable drivers were also there to entertain the guests.  We think this is how to wow the crowd at a track day, and similar to AcMo style, if you’re going to do a track event, you might as well do it right.  That’s why we always guarantee some sort of engine explosion at every one of our track events.  We never like to disappoint our clients and we love theatrics.  Who—except for the owner of the vehicle—doesn’t like seeing an engine explosion?

The future looks bright for AcMo’s return to West Coast track events if Scagnetti's diplomacy tour can get us unbanned.  We promise we’ll only set track records in the forward direction if he comes through for us.