Cloud Front

Becoming dependent on any resource can be problematic.  Cloud computing is like a lot of other current must have technologies.  It fosters extreme dependencies.  That’s why we went all-in on cloud computing and placed AcMo’s operational future there.  The move increased freedom of movement for the remaining staff, and now productivity doesn’t suffer whenever anyone is away from the office.  All access all of the time is a leash with a longer tether, that seems like a good idea in theory but isn’t in practice.  

We store all of our sensitive data and some belonging to our competitors in the cloud.  We would be devastated if we lost one of the operations manuals of our competitors.  We wouldn’t even know how to respond to that.  The smart move is to employ diversified storage solutions, such as hundreds of clouds.  One of those clouds has already made a first strike against AcMo when it altered portions of this post created on a mobile device while in the field.  This is why we can’t have the good Internet.  We can’t handle it.

The most important benefit to adopting a cloud based strategy is that it means it is no longer necessary to carry your heavy desktop computer and monitor everywhere to maintain access to corporate files.  I just learned this yesterday after having carried my computer, monitor, speakers, and desk to the coffee shop again.  I don't know why somebody can’t send a memo or two about this stuff sooner.

A connectivity failure is one of many doomsday scenarios.  That is probably worse than a zombie apocalypse.  A downed cloud creates a dense and foreboding fog.  The thick embrace of that fog creates despair that chokes hope when the Internet disappears.  The networked comfort blanket that holds modern society together is fragile and prone to disruption as a result.  Sony’s movie studio is experiencing this right now.  Nobody seems to want to handle security until after a massive breach occurs.  That’s a lesson that is almost always understood after the third successful attack.

AcMo has been working hard behind the scenes to save society from unreliable Internet, and to provide it where it has been unavailable.  AcMo has created a dedicated strategy to combat any complications that arise when the cloud becomes inaccessible.  How will you let random strangers know you did something epic at the grocery store in the vegetable aisle, or share the video of the highway accident you captured if Vine is inaccessible?  It all becomes worthless data wasting valuable space.  Delete the garbage and reclaim your storage space because the cloud is hungry and it wants your data.  There may be a man-made Internet blackout coming to a country near you soon. AcMo can help prepare for the inevitable.

AcMo has grand plans to deploy a mobile personal Internet infrastructure that provides customers with the option to create their own portable and uninterruptible* clouds.  This shouldn’t be confused with the cloud of doom that is powered by mystical sources and can’t be modified or contained.  The AcMo Cloud Generator® starter kit involves a personal satellite transmitter, backpack mounted receiver and several backup drones in case of satellite signal dropouts.  The activation code is an extra charge option.  The activation code enables the receiver on the satellite dish for mobile use.  It is not advised to walk while wearing the backpack receiver, or really, to even wear the backpack receiver for more than five minutes at a time.  I can’t go into more detail about that right now, but trust me; you also don’t want to fall asleep with the backpack on while it is receiving.

We have seen erratic speeds during testing, but we think that’s a result of constant receiver movement.  At this time the development prototype weighs 300 pounds, so it is hard to hold still and maintain balance.  The constant movement of the dish interferes with signal reception.  We are developing a stable transportable base to provide greater signal retention.  In addition, we have made several inquiries to DARPA for access to their exoskeleton suits for testing.

Those who wish to access the Internet while driving need to be patient.  It is hard keeping the signal locked in a moving car, but moving cars is an area in which we shine.  We are developing a roof transport system that is strong enough to handle the weight of the equipment while also not causing the roof to fold in on itself.  I can tell you from experience, it is not comfortable to get whacked on the head by a folding roof that was never intended to fold in the first place.

AcMo envisions a world in which every citizen has a personal cloud and an AcMo Cloud Generator® for peace of mind and guaranteed cloud access.  We will revolutionize Internet access and the backpack industry simultaneously.

On an unrelated note—or is it?—Treadstone is real...

^{*”Uninterruptible” is a term marketing forced me to include.  There are many events that could cause a catastrophic satellite failure, which would guarantee a service interruption.  If you were smart and paid extra to deploy additional satellites, they will seamlessly transition your feeds.  However, all bets are off if your personal satellite is shot out of or falls from space.  We also can’t help if you opt out of satellite insurance in the event of a satellite on satellite collision.  Whoever has the insurance policy will win full support and assistance in launching another satellite. Though problems may not be directly attributable to errant customer data feeds, AcMo can’t and won’t take responsibility for satellite failures.  AcMo will persist in blaming any such failures on operator error, which is almost always the cause anyway.}