TD

A touchdown in American football is equal to 9 points on the Metric scale.  In AcMo’s case, a touchdown is code for a rule #1 (No falling allowed!) violation.  I had a touchdown when I tested the 2^nd generation TDCS unit.  This week has not been a stellar one and I doubt it will be remembered with fondness in the years to come.  Unless of course I have much worse weeks and then this one will seem pleasurable compared to the others.

Testing had to be postponed so we could work out a brilliant plan to usurp ownership of Ferrari’s soon to be vacated factory in Italy.  It only took a few minutes to create a suitable plan after we spent the entire day in meetings designed to determine the time to have a meeting to formulate the action plan.

The arguing and name-calling at the meeting drained my energy so I wasn’t able to complete gen 2 of the TDCS last night.  The amount of tape required to hold the amps inside the unit exceeded our current supply.  We had to borrow tape from our corporate neighbors.  I said, “borrow” because we intend to return the tape once we’ve finished testing.  We can’t have any more electrical problems when working in such close proximity to the brain.  That is dangerous.

AcMo has always been a safety first organization.  In our case, safety is the first operational mandate jettisoned during an emergency.  It has the least weight and is the easiest to lose, which is why we dump it so often.  There is only ever a problem during testing when our safety protocols autocorrect our testing staff numbers.  We all hate that, but it takes too much energy to constantly focus on improving safety and quality of life while also trying to generate revenue streams.  Something had to give, and it wasn’t going to be the revenue streams.

I took the gen 1 TDCS back to the R&D department and forced them to fix its flaws after I became stumped trying to figure out how to fix it.  The fresh from the tape department Gen 2 corrects the flawed gen 1 unit while introducing several impressive and dangerous all-new and improved flaws.  Somewhere along the generational line we will figure out how to alter the balance so there are more benefits than flaws.

The only thing left to do was test the new unit to see if it could deliver on the promise the marketing department claimed it would achieve.  Namely, was this unit going to fry my brain again, or increase my focus, speed, attention, problem solving skills, language comprehension, vision, breakaway speed, and provide me with levitation abilities?  I am most skeptical about the levitation part, but I really want this to work since the practical applications are almost limitless.  Levitation could decimate the chair and stool industry in a few weeks.  I’m not permitted to give financial advice, but a savvy investor may want to consider shorting all furniture companies soon.

I’ve found that gen 2 has caused a significant increase in my focus and attention, but it has not improved my levitation.  I can feel the magnetic field lifting me when the unit is powered on, but that’s about all I can feel.  I was hopeful levitation could be achieved without the TDCS unit being equipped.  I think it will take many more sessions before we record any positive gains on that.

The problem with the current results is that I now tend to focus on everything but my intended job.  All efforts to shift my mind to the designated task are ineffective.  My field of perception will not narrow no matter how hard I try.  I thought there was a chance that a regular physical exercise routine might help reshape my focus.  I’m allergic to public gyms, so I thought I would try something outside my comfort zone, and wanted to make sure I wouldn’t run into anyone who knows me.  I signed up for Roomba classes because I’d heard the classes could be quite demanding and it sounded like fun.

The last thing I need around the office is any kind of robot.  Instead of paying for a year’s worth of Zoomba Roomba classes, I inadvertently bought a handful of iRobot Roomba robotic vacuum cleaners.  I know what I clicked on and I am certain I didn’t purchase Roombas.  I would never ever again pay for another robot.  I have asked the security team to review our logs because I am confident someone hit us with a man in the middle attack and ordered the robots.  They are definitely not the droids I was seeking.  I can’t have these things in HQ1.  They taunt the 3d printers, often reminding them that they are now obsolete, and do not respond to written or verbal commands.  It is even worse than when Compensation Package was slithering around HQ1.  Although, these robots are decent about cleaning up after themselves, I can’t say the same for that snake.