AcMo Transport & Logistics

Greyhounds have been on the payroll ever since I learned they could fly.

Most of the hard work at AcMo is completed behind the scenes.  We make it look easy because we keep the difficult stuff hidden through clever magic and serious misdirection.  One such project that has had a troubled gestation period is about to be revealed before the Geneva Auto Show.  We have been working in secret to appropriate the Greyhound name.  It appears that our efforts are about to be rewarded.  In advance of that, I would like to introduce our newest subsidiary:  AcMo Transport & Logistics.  AcMo T&L is the world's fastest shipping and logistics company.  We aim to become the only hyper-speed shipper in existence.  We hope to be able to expand into the shipment of flammable or explosive materials once we have our rail gun’s targeting system online.

Call us if you need to have your package there before it even left.*  Our prices are astronomical but we guarantee the fastest on-time delivery in the world.  Fuel prices and R&D on the build of our vehicles has been more expensive than anticipated, so the people who know how to operate a calculator have told me these costs must be passed to the customer.  This will only last until the division has secured enough profits to run 1000 quarters without generating additional profits.  We are also using the profits from this division to keep the space projects funded.  So the more you ship with us brings us closer to realizing our dream of space travel.

We hope to be able to attach our transport system to SpaceX’s upcoming hyperloop to bolster our shipping speed in the Wild West.  Our system will be undetectable by enemy radar and will be faster than any known missile systems.  The team is already working on developing quick-change extension to the hyperloop test track so we won’t be bound by SpaceX’s route.  We know a thing or two about exceeding track limits at speed.

The logistics side uses complex algorithms to determine the most direct route between shipper and recipient.  The composition of that route determines if our vehicles operate in air, land, sea, or combined mode to reach the destination.  The most exciting part is that all of this happens without anyone having to do anything except remember to turn on the computer.

Our new high-speed transport is undergoing testing while shipping your products around the world.  We have been experiencing a 78% failure rate with 99% of the packages being damaged during shipping during these tests.  That is why it is so important to get the insurance.  I am quite proud to report that our shipment tracking has been faultless though.  Not a single damaged package was delivered to the incorrect address, and none have been lost in transit.

The future expansion plan is to convert the design into a passenger bus that can challenge air travel for time to destination records and one day, safety.  This will be an organization with a service that a retired greyhound can endorse without shame.

Because we always plan for the contingencies, we have a backup in case our negotiations breakdown or the greyhounds hold out for more hares.

Cheetahs lack a sense of humor.

One thing I’ve learned from experience is that cool looking animals will still bite your hand if you put it anywhere near their mouths.  This is why we’ve conducted all of our cheetah negotiations via Skype.  I’m not prepared to lose any other limbs because the cheetah disagrees with our idea of a reasonable per diem allowance.  As of this writing, the AcMo Cheetah Ship is a pre-revenue concept.  We will only commence testing if it becomes clear that the greyhounds are not willing to cooperate.

^{*Actual time travel has continued to elude us as far as we can tell.  Our claim is based on time zone manipulation that allows us to deliver a package before it has left the shipper.  Actual claims and guarantees are subject to regulatory approval.  At this time we can only state our shipments are fast.}