Postal Challenge

Snob has been vocal about his desire for AcMo to enter the competition for the contract for next-gen postal delivery vehicles.  Because we can win isn’t adequate justification for entering a competition.  I have to consider AcMo’s reputation and focus when making these decisions.  Snob’s problem is that he is not my boss—even though he thinks he is, he doesn’t own AcMo, and I don’t have to do what he says.  Therefore, I have ignored all of his messages and YouTube pleas because I don’t want him more distracted from his only job right now.  In case he’s forgotten, he is supposed to be assembling our revolutionary F-One cars so we can prove the concept works.  Instead, he has his head in the clouds and is already dreaming of the next project.  This has to end.

I admit that my mind kept wandering toward considering the design that could win the competition despite my refusal to enter.  Once Snob put the idea in my head, I couldn’t erase it without damaging other critical storage areas in my brain.  My very deep thoughts arrived at a logical conclusion:  how hard could it be to deliver a better vehicle than what the postal service is using now?  The obstacle for AcMo is that the postal service has a troubled past when it comes to making money, and I’m not sure AcMo should get involved with an organization that has well documented management issues.  To counter my own misgivings, I need to point out that any organization that sponsored a cycling team that had no relevance to its core business might just be the type of partner AcMo would want.  We could exploit their lack of fiscal sanity for at least a handful of revenue streams.

The only thing these mail delivery vehicles have going for them is their striking liveries.  That bird logo will be replaced by Fred’s likeness for sure.  Once we do that we will have increased the speed by at least 30%.  Speeding up these vehicles would just end up with even more of them being towed back to base.  We need a radical step in the concept.

The problem with the postal service and most of the competitors entering the challenge is that they are constrained by traditional limits.  It isn’t their fault that society has conditioned them to operate in this fashion.  This shortcoming almost makes it unfair for us to enter.  They are stuck wasting time developing new ground-based vehicles when it is clear that the sky has always held the answer.  This isn’t a new idea, but of course the minds at AcMo have found a new approach that is guaranteed to improve mail delivery speeds and accuracy.

This started the same way a lot of our ideas do:  a brief glimpse into the past.  I studied the evolution of mail delivery.  It was a short trip through the timeline because history bores me and I can only stand a few minutes of it before I fall asleep.  I found my answer before I had to quit anyway.

Our rates will be a bit higher.

Airmail has worked in the past; it can work in the future as well.  This is the next natural evolution of mail delivery as far as I’m concerned.  Only we’re going to do it a little better and faster, while for sure not being more economical.  This contract would give us the opportunity to perfect our targeting systems and autonomous control algorithms without having to spend our own resources to keep rebuilding the vehicles after crashes.

Our first generation mail delivery drones will be equipped with delivery pods that resemble missiles.  I wanted to use bombs, but we found that it was too difficult to get them to fall onto the mailboxes within an acceptable accuracy range.  The collateral damage also eliminated the ability for subsequent mail deliveries.  Missiles were the only viable choice.

Mail delivered at the speed of AcMo.

Testing has revealed a minor glitch that will need to be handled before we can commit to the missile approach.  This is why we test though.  We can work out the most lethal kinks before we enter production.  On a handful of occasions, the drones have fired the mail missiles with too much exuberance.  We’ve looked through the code, and there is no programming present that would cause these mishaps.  The desk software engineers are digging deeper into this matter to find a resolution.

They have assured me that we can resolve this issue before any more mail and vehicles have been destroyed by a delivery miscalculation.  Our early test data indicates it is imperative that senders purchase mail insurance before sending anything by AcMo Airmail Services™.  I can’t stress enough the importance of the insurance.

The insurance program is comprehensive and can guarantee mail content recovery.  Our state of the art mail sorting system opens each letter and scans the contents before they are uploaded to our secure database.  The mail is then resealed and prepped for delivery.  We only read the interesting letters to see if they contain new revenue streams, but we do not sell your information to 3^rd parties or data brokers.  If you purchased the insurance, we can reproduce your letter in its entirety for re-shipment.

AcMo is focused on concurrent development to increase the speed of return for our revenue streams.  This means we are already working on the 2^nd generation of our airmail delivery vehicle.  Details for this product need to be kept private until we have won the contract.  I can share a glimpse of our prototype though.

We’ve spent a lot of time searching for the design that would best reduce ground visibility of the delivery platform and limit radar tracking.  Those traits are a few of many that should make this the ideal stealth mail delivery platform.  This vehicle also just happened to fall into our laps.  We hope to have a fleet of these stealth drones flying high above your homes patrolling sending your mail to you at a speed never before achieved.

The standard disclaimers apply of course especially since this is an experimental project.  It is advisable no one stand near or at any mailbox until the delivery has concluded.  AcMo is not responsible for property, body, or vehicle damage within 50 meters of any mailbox during active mail delivery times.  It is also the sender’s duty to confirm that the mailing address is correct before submitting mail for delivery.  Thank you for your understanding.  We look forward to serving you high-speed explosive mail in the near future.