The Star Under The Fridge

This tiny titan can wreck your existence.

Don't get this close to it and don't EVER stare at it.

When I first noticed something wasn’t right, I panicked because that is what I learned to do from my training.  Once I exhausted most of my panic, I initiated a forensic analysis of the object of unidentified object.  This star wasn't received as a prize for proper fridge operation, or as a participation memento as far as I could determine.  I don't know how the star got there, but I will not rest until my considerable detective skills have uncovered the mystery of the star.  The responsible party will be brought to justice.  I must know this star’s origin story and motive.

The star was burgundy and the size of a dime when I found it a few days ago.  I didn’t capture a photograph because I didn’t understand the significance at the time.  It has changed color and grown a bit over the weekend.  I estimate it will absorb the entire area by late April if nothing is done.

I spent the entire weekend excavating the discovery site around the fridge to collect as much forensic evidence as possible.  I was careful at all times to avoid agitating the fridge star in any way.  The existence of this star may explain why some food is hot to the touch after being removed from the fridge.

Fridge stars are serious business.  These are not toys and can be dangerous.  This warning should always be considered when approaching a fridge star.  They do not like bright lights shined upon them, sudden movements, or liquid spills.  They will attack if food from the fridge is dropped on them.  Fridge stars appear to be cold blooded and might migrate to the area under the fridge as a means to stay warm, hidden, and protected from human interference.  They might be safer than Happy Fun Balls® but that doesn't mean a fridge star should ever be taunted.  The power of the star goes back to the days when Super Mario was in power with his advanced technology.  It is unclear at this time if the fridge star is running surveillance on us or simply absorbing our refrigeration technology.

Above all else, NEVER try to remove a fridge star by force.  Doing so can open a portal to another dimension.  Besides losing your fridge and all of your food and beverages stored within, the portal can also suck in any hapless bystanders.  The biggest threat is that the fridge’s power plug may not be compatible with the electrical system in the alternate dimension.  A lack of power will allow the contents to spoil, and it can make returning home quite difficult.

It’s normal for lay people to question my knowledge on this complex topic.  It is also normal for those same people to resist believing in the power of fridge stars.  This is what happens when a fridge star is placed in an excited state:

A kitchen never recovers when a fridge star goes supernova.    

As you can see from this photo that cost several scientists their minds, fridge stars can be powerful.  A greater cosmic force may not exist.  The truth may have been hiding under your fridge all of this time.

I have this knowledge because this isn’t the first time we’ve encountered a fridge star at AcMo.  I sort of learned from my past mistakes.  I now only approach fridge stars from the side and at a slow and calm pace.  I had video of the first encounter, but the camera was sucked into the portal.

It has been difficult to calculate an accurate number for active fridge stars in the universe today.  Fridge stars are normally undetectable unless agitated and most people are either unable or unwilling to lift their fridges high enough to inspect underneath for covert resting fridge stars.

Most fridge star portal openings do not leave detectable evidence that an event occurred other than missing items.  Anyone who has ever discovered socks missing after doing laundry or has had family members or pets disappear when near the fridge, now you know what could have happened.  This is also why some food containers may have a lower level of food since the last time they were opened, or have outright disappeared from the fridge.

I can assure you that it is not from someone sleep eating because the motion detectors pick up movement.  Fridge stars have also been responsible for the disappearance of client vehicles on more than one occasion.  We have been fighting with the insurance companies and the clients to get them to accept the truth.  It appears this fight will continue for many more years unless I can develop a method for proving the existence and power of fridge stars without activating one.

It is quite possible the human race has not known a greater threat to its existence than a fridge star.  Remember this the next time you think danger is coming from the far reaches of the galaxy.  It is much closer to home than you want to believe, and it can get you at any time you go near your fridge.  Be vigilant and warn others of the threat from under the fridge.