Lost & Found

We found a strange human like yeti while testing with Fred before he disappeared.  Of course I immediately wanted to keep it to use for testing new speed technologies, but the scientists warned me that yetis could be unpredictable.

I think by now you are familiar enough with my philosophy that you should know I didn’t listen to the “experts”.  Because we operate in a perpetual state of Expanded Development, I decided to add the yeti to our roster of test animals.  Yep, we brought it home with us.  I wanted to make sure that its personality was a good fit within AcMo’s culture, so it was started on light testing duty during the probationary period.  I am hopeful we can transition it into a full AcMo employee with an ID badge, a snow covered cubicle, and benefits.

The yeti is poised to become our first provisional testing flagger.  Its only job is to stand on the runway and direct test traffic to the appropriate position.  This job appears to have been tailor-made for yetis, so that's where we're trying to plug it in.  The problem is that we haven't recovered Fred yet and Yetis aren't as easy to train as falcons, so we're having a little bit of trouble getting the hand signals working.

This yeti doesn't like having its picture taken.

It is suited for one important task without need of supplemental training. We use it to warn off other approaching planes while we are conducting testing. I should say when we were conducting testing since Fred is still MIA. 

Once we get the invisibility cloak working, we can park the yeti at the airport full time at which point it will become a remote AcMo employee while still being afforded the same rights and protections as regular AcMo personnel.

It has been brought to my attention that the janitorial crew's logo is identical to that nefarious space administration's.  I'm sure that is a trademark infringement.  This explains how the intruders gained access to Fred’s area.  They were there doing their assigned cleaning duties.  Our office coordinator failed to liaise with me regarding the schedules.  That will be handled.

We figured out that throwing the yeti into service without formal training has hampered the program.  Falcons and yetis are not super friendly with each other, and Fred got scared when he saw it.  His flight instinct caused him to bolt right into the waiting arms of those space administration hooligans.  I was wrong about the HQ1 infiltration, but I know the cleaning crew isn’t also responsible for Fred’s disappearance.  He would have contacted us by now if he had just made a wrong turn and got lost.

Martin Le-May took the below photo.  This article, Woodpecker shown flying with weasel on its back in amateur photographer's amazing image, tells the fascinating story of this improbable friendship and incredible journey and the people who chronicled it for the world.  Even thinking about it brings a tear to my eye.  This woodpecker/weasel duo is a model for bird flight schools everywhere.

Based on AcMo's extensive animal testing experience, I think they have the story incorrect.  That woodpecker is not “clearly in distress”, as the article claims.  It appears to be recalculating its thrust and vector requirements to maintain the approved flight path while carrying a passenger.  That is normal woodpecker procedure.  Or it is possible that the weasel whispered into the woodpecker’s ear that it wasn’t going to pay for the flight the moment before the picture was taken.  Weasels tend to do that kind of stuff.  An anonymous source that doesn’t have authority to speak on the matter might have mentioned that the weasel was overheard threatening to file a claim against the woodpecker with the FAA citing poor passenger treatment.

Regardless of the content of their private conversation, I shared the photo because we are looking for this duo to add them to our testing roster.  Any assistance provided that leads to the successful capture of both the woodpecker and the weasel will be rewarded with a shout out and a hearty thanks.  We may even name one of them after the lead provider.

We had not even considered adding a passenger seat to Fred's flight suit before today’s discovery, but that appears to be an option now.  This is of course assuming we can trace Fred’s IP address, rescue him, and cure him of his yeti phobia so we can resume our bird space flight development program.