Newton

There are a number of special rooms in AcMo’s HQs around the country, however there is one room even more special than all of the rest.  It is so secret that only four people know it exists, and I’m not one of them.  I was given permission to share information regarding the room on condition of anonymity for my trusted source, Pamela Bradford.  The activities that occur within this heretofore invisible room have been so classified that the information has never been revealed to the general public until this moment.  I am only sharing this intel today because I feel we have built a rapport and I trust you can keep a secret.

AcMo has been operating a massively unsanctioned covert experiment to repeal Newton’s third law.  We have had enough of bad laws on the books especially when those irresponsible laws lead to being on the wrong side of the tire barriers.  Before you applaud AcMo for our heroic endeavor, remember that it is our civic responsibility to fix a law that should never have existed.  Because of the support of Newton’s disciples and a few secret societies, we have been approaching this objective with the utmost care and secrecy to avoid a difficult encounter with the affected parties.

Research into this Newton character has uncovered some interesting data.  He was not an elected official and lacked the authority to draft universally accepted laws.  He did however look like an 80’s (1680’s) hair band rock star so I think that afforded him a great deal of artistic freedom.  Newton’s believers tend to gloss over the fact that one of his most noteworthy discoveries was reportedly (you weren’t there either, so you don’t know for sure, do you?) a direct result of severe head trauma, and should therefore be discounted as wacky.

Head trauma causes visions.

I think Jeremy Irons played Newton in a movie.

Our secret room was activated the moment we threw our first involuntary test subject inside.  The only tool present was a PlayStation® 3.  This particular unit was inoperative even if any of the required peripherals to use it such as a controller, power and a/v cables, a monitor, Internet connectivity, or any games had been present.  To be clear, none of that stuff was included with the test unit.  It was nothing more than a large paperweight.  This drove every test subject insane after less than twenty minutes, so we had to switch the protocol before we ran out of straitjackets.







We felt that our next generation design would benefit from omitting the unusable gaming console.  This philosophy was more in line with our mission objectives and could yield more relevant data.  That clever move also allowed us to increase our productivity by a claimed 84% because we could test our theories while also improving the safety of our launch transport system.  AcMo pioneered smart testing methodologies and extreme productivity measures, and this is just another example of our expertise.

All of our testing is aimed toward proving Newton’s third law of motion is deficient.  If we’ve done our homework properly, we should see a positive result soon.  We will use the power of statistics to sustain morale during our attempts until we are proven correct.  We have been considering adding a VR element to the test to accelerate development.  There is no set timetable for the conclusion of this project.

The longer we continue to push through with this exercise, the more likely we are to eventually be poised to revolutionize the accepted understanding of motion and send physicists scurrying back to their chalkboards for answers that won’t be found.  We will not stop testing until we prove Newton’s third law for the sham it has to be.  We believe that Newton succumbed to pressure from influential lobbyists and added unnecessary subsidies for the science challenged when creating his laws.  So far we have years of inconclusive data, but we are so thorough that we won’t stop until there is a breakthrough.

The test is simple but mentally taxing.  The subject must sit in the isolation chair and do nothing.  The subject’s brain must come to a complete resting state.  If Newton’s law is accurate, the equal and opposite reaction should be a mind doing everything.

Try as we might, this has not yielded anything other than sleeping test subjects.  Because Newton’s work carries some serious street credibility, we are reluctant to publish our findings until we can be certain the scientific community won’t try to burn, ban, or permanently silence us for being right once again.

The AcMo initiative includes utilizing our self-proclaimed legal authority to write new and accurate laws for mental motion so everyone can better understand today’s world.  We wouldn’t be AcMo without adding a hidden revenue stream into our new laws.  We will be collecting a small royalty every single time anyone does anything mentally because the task will involve using AcMo’s Laws of Mental Motion.  Don’t even think about trying to avoid paying because that will increase your charges.