Above the Pinnacle

It’s simple to overachieve if you have a super low achievement threshold or you accidentally do something super amazing.  AcMo sets extra low expectations so that we can deliver more than we promised on a consistent basis.  Once again, I’m only sharing smart business practices I’ve acquired through my years of failed attempts to start matriculating at business school.  Lockheed Martin blew past the speed of sound and beyond with the SR-71.  I’ve not seen a subsequent declassified project that has possessed anything near the greatness the Blackbird achieved.

Arriving above the pinnacle before anyone else has grasped that it even exists draws unwanted attention.  This type of attention fosters scrutiny, and scrutiny leads to senate investigations.  At some point during the process, allegations involving the use of extraterrestrial technologies start circulating.  It is hard to disprove this when the visual evidence supports the allegations.  Nevertheless, our Law & Order legal training activates and we deny, deny, and deny despite the evidence presented against us.

We strive to keep our achievement expectation low to avoid all of that mess.  According to science, my best performance is both behind and ahead of me because time is not linear.  I understand that to mean the quality of any performance is relative to the time and place of the observer.

Maintaining extraordinary levels of performance is difficult because humans were not designed to operate above 100% efficiency in perpetuity.  The lab coats are telling me that we weren’t even designed to operate at 75% for extended periods.  I think they are just lazy, but then I see how they ramp up just before the quarterly budget reviews are about to commence which suggests they are highly motivated by their budgets.  Always trust a lab coat to sandbag.

Stan the Running Man

Bad things might happen when you modify instruments you don't fully understand.  That has never stopped AcMo from aggressively modifying every product in our catalog and all of our competitor’s products.  We believe that tools and products were made to be broken because it is only through breaking that we can surpass the limits.  This is why it is also important to have solid warranty coverage.

The problem with Stan (pictured above) was that we pushed things a little too far while trying to increase his top speed.  We had been looking into technologies that would allow Stan to travel faster than light without the need of a hyperdrive, or even a space ship at all.  Had we succeeded, it would have been a boon for future space travel aspirations.  A natural extension of that research led us to experiment with methods that could turn Stan into light.  We might have pushed things too far.

Stan didn’t mind the daily blasts of x-rays because he knew we were doing this for science.  The whole situation went pear shaped when we went looking for more juice.  The decision was made to attach an entire EKG machine to Stan during his x-ray sessions.  Instead of seeing a clear indication of his vitals, he merged with the display and then became an erratically moving white line.

It’s ok because we learned a lot about what we shouldn’t be doing, and Stan is pulsing along at unimaginable speeds.  Unfortunately, he is still not faster than light, but we’re getting closer.  Once we have increased his breakaway speed, we’ll work super hard on freeing him from the machine.

I say “we” and “us” a lot, but what I really mean is that MY employees will handle all of the difficult work because I don’t have time for that.  An effective leader knows when to take credit and when to divert blame.  I do have ample time to take credit for their efforts when they succeed. Besides, I am far too busy thinking about our next project to sacrifice brainpower and my time on such trivial tasks.  I’ll be honest, I’ve known for months that we can free Stan from the machine by simply power cycling it and opening the display.  I’ve done it before, but I want to get more data before we free him.  There’s a chance he might go on a rampage if he found out the truth.  The whole experiment is a lot more fun this way too.

The only problem is that I’m having trouble figuring out what to tell Stan’s family.  They have a right to know he’s become a light source.  Maybe we’ll send them a letter next week saying we think he went to Vegas for a vacation.