Unfounded Respect

Snob Duben and I were discussing a recent consolidation in the car audio industry the other day when he dropped the line on me that he had more unfounded respect for the company being acquired than the acquirer.  He worried that the deal would negatively impact the quality of the former.  He then mused that he had no basis in fact to value the quality of one over the other.

The moment after he said that my mind started spinning.  Have I been guilty of giving unfounded respect to people and companies?  We needed data.  I had to confirm AcMo was on the right course and that we were both granting our respect with wisdom and judicious logic and receiving it as well.

It was my understanding that respect was supposed to be earned and not given.  Unfounded respect can be lost the instant facts become involved. Unfounded respect is temporary.  Regular respect is hard enough to earn and just as easy as the unfounded variety to lose.  Both approaches have their drawbacks, but I'm beginning to think that maybe earning respect isn’t the best method.  We are working on creating an indelible impression of respect similar to the memory of a person's first high voltage electrical shock, or the gift of searing pain that comes with a first-degree burn after playing too rough with matches.

The research department might have illuminated the best approach by doing what they do best.  We now have a new weapon in development similar—or identical, really—to the one pictured below.

This respect thing is a fascinating weapon.  It studies its targets to learn their vulnerabilities and how best to deploy its respect generating capabilities.  Whoever programmed this thing is a genius.  It helps that it is quite imposing as well.

We need to get a few of these so that we can finally command the respect we deserve.  This particular model will require some reprogramming because it appears to enjoy robbing people a little too much as it was seen doing just that to two people within minutes of initial activation.

Once we have removed the robbing code from Respect’s operating system, we can deploy models across the globe to raise AcMo’s brand recognition and respect levels.  We’ll even take any unfounded respect as word of our new tool spreads.

This may be the key to getting our lifetime bans from some tracks rescinded.  You have to respect Respect, or bad things will certainly happen.  Just look at those arms.  Respect can’t be stopped, and it will be working for AcMo soon.