Warning Signs

Warning signs aren’t always obvious in their declarations of extreme danger and despair.  Perhaps the designers are fans of cryptic messages, or it’s just impossible to make a sign that’s vague enough for every intelligence level to understand.  And then there are the events that precede a disaster that serve as obvious beacons of trouble.  Usually these events don’t create a clear picture until after they have been viewed in retrospect.  In other words, they aren’t much use after you’ve made the mistake that these events were leading toward.

This sign is the epitome of burying the lede.

This is the type of sign we try to emulate at AcMo.  It hides the pertinent information in the fine print and dares anyone who reads it to see just how sharp the edges are.  That sums up AcMo’s operating philosophy.  It occurs to me that we need to find a warning sign that visually represents AcMo to use outside some of our bases.

This sign says it all without using any words.

Warning signs are everywhere, but I’ve always felt that the signs were more of a suggestion than an actual declaration something bad was about to happen.  We have become experts at deploying our road triangles due to all of our vehicular mishaps.  I have discovered that the road triangles are the most effective way to slow our competitors whenever we are in front of them.  There is a scientific principle at play that causes people to feel compelled to obey the safety triangle.  I think it is a form of hypnosis.  We have begun testing all of our triangles to see if we can determine their power sources and harness them for our purposes.

Cone gators are everywhere.

If not a cone gator, a buzzing owl might be waiting to get you.  Most people would be at risk for these and other absurd attacks if warning signs didn’t exist.  Because warning signs have dedicated their existence to passively alerting people to potential dangers, lives have been saved and owls and cone gators have been kept hungry.

Owls do not enjoy practical jokes.

AcMo has a team of specialists who congregate around these signs waiting for their chance to catch some lightning.  We want to use it for auxiliary power for some of our more ambitious projects.  So far a few of the team have been struck, but no one has successfully caught any lightning.  I remain optimistic until either the entire team has been struck, or we catch some lightning.  The only reason we even know where to wait for lightning is because of this helpful warning sign.

Due to the financial and personnel costs involved, we have scaled back on our full-size space ship test flights, so we will not be blocking the road again.  We apologize for any delays caused by our emergency landing on the highway the other day.  Be advised that any mention of our ship is considered a breach of the official secrets act and will be considered sufficient grounds for termination.