Meltdown

AcMo has attempted to reach for the stars often.  Most of those attempts have ended with a fist of air and a face full of dirt.  This is why I wear gloves and a helmet now when I’m trying to do something impossible.  I believe that success is achieved through repeated failure.  AcMo is in serious trouble if that isn’t true.  We have been perfecting our failure modes for years while our breakthrough innovation eludes us.  The journey has been difficult at times, and it is hardest when a lull in inspiration infects the organization.  These lulls are a natural part of the creative process, but they are still frightening.

I employ flash challenges to minimize the crippling effects of lulls on our organization.  The challenges require our personnel to engage with the local public to expand our creative thinking.  It has taken a few years to master the art of approaching strangers without getting a face full of mace, but I think I finally have the correct procedure.  I’ve learned that it is most important to approach with a smile when you are about to ask something unusual of them.

Yesterday I met Helen and asked her to assist me with a flash challenge.  Her instructions were simple:  pick any object in the room and I would come up with a new approach in 30 seconds or less or I would refund her time.  I haven’t had to refund anyone’s time yet.  I’m that good.

Helen engaged in her new assignment.  Her brow furrowed as she looked around the room.  I think she was trying to find an item that would stump me.  She finished her deliberation by pointing to a bag of Ice Melt.  I could see in her relaxed facial expression that she thought she had picked a winner.  I had hoped she would choose that bag because I had already pre-selected it and I was actively formulating my solution.  I accepted her challenge and pretended to start the development work that had already been activated by turning the gears attached to my brain.  This one was relevant since ice and snow are major contributors to rule #1 violations.  For those not playing along at home—shame on you—rule #1 states no falling allowed.

I decided that the best option was to develop a new type of asphalt that could be used in areas that experience large amounts of snowfall and extended periods of below freezing temperatures.  The asphalt would have to contain elements that would heat from exposure to sunlight, or on those dark days with no sun, an open flame which could then melt the ice and snow reducing the chance of a rule #1 violation.  Once I formulated the idea, I was excited to start developing prototypes.  Success with this would remove the need for snow shovels, snow blowers, and snowplows and put all of the people who operate those devices on a permanent break.

Development at AcMo is always fast.  Our driveway snow/ice melt solution was no exception.  There was a small chance development was a bit too fast on this one, but I didn’t mind playing the odds.  What has never worked for me in roulette must eventually work in life.  The AcMo asphalt was created by using a mix with 68%...well, I should keep the formulation private since it is proprietary.  I settled on the final numbers because they looked great on the spreadsheet, and I always trust my gut.  Since I didn’t want to waste time testing with a small sample, I re-paved a neighbor’s driveway—free of cost—with the just finished AcMo asphalt.  The combination of materials made the driveway sparkle and shine in a way no other driveway had before.  Because of time constraints I had to put the asphalt on top of their existing driveway, but I don’t think anyone will notice.  Unfortunately, the driveway’s sparkle was a precursor to an unforeseen side effect.

I decided to test the asphalt by icing down the now double decker driveway since we’ve been short on snow this season.  I chose an inconspicuous location to initiate the melting process.  I remember watching my classmates burn ants with magnifying glasses, so I thought I would try that to get the party started.  It worked far beyond my expectations.

The fire was small and controlled at first, but I guess I upset it because the situation accelerated after that first boom a lot faster than I could activate the video camera.  The camera was lost in the ensuing molten conflagration in case you were wondering why I don’t have more pictures or video of the test.

Thermite likes to burn.  I’m sure I knew this, but I don’t see it mentioned anywhere in my notes.  The asphalt started to look a little strange, and that was when I knew my formulation was off by a little bit.  I ran home to safety after I realized the fire was unstoppable.  Of course I asked a Facebook friend to call 911 to keep AcMo’s name out of the reports, but I have been monitoring the situation from my observation post.

The fire started yesterday.  It is still burning at full power.  The explosions have gotten quieter though.  The good news is that the test successfully melted the ice, so I know I can go into production as soon as I perfect the formula and figure out how to prevent a total driveway meltdown.  AcMo should be able to resolve those minor issues by the beginning of the next winter season.  I also really hope the fire department is able to do something about that nasty driveway fire before then.  The billowing clouds of smoke can’t be safe.  AcMo is going to start development on a new fire suppression system to stop any future careless driveway fires as well.  It’s the least we can do.

Please let me know if anyone out there is willing to donate a driveway for Phase 2 testing purposes.  AcMo would install a soon to be developed state of the art fire suppression system on your house in exchange for use of the driveway.  Although, keeping my innovator’s cap on, I think I’ve discovered a new use for the current formulation.  We could provide our enemies with driveway re-paving services using this unstable inferno mix.

The truth might be that the snow removal industry heard about my asphalt and panicked.  I suspect they are the reason my most recent driveway test failed and won’t stop burning.