DAQMo

A wise person once told me that a bad idea was only bad when other people realized it. Ever since then I have made an effort to keep quiet when people mistake my supply of bad ideas for creative genius. This usually works for at least a few minutes.

Data acquisition or DAQ helps engineers build better drivers.  Drivers are a critical part of our automotive business, so anything that can be done to improve their crash rates is researched and implemented where feasible. DAQ is a tool that also enables future vision.  I haven't unlocked that option yet, but I think I'm close.  It's hard to tell.

AcMo had to push all of its resources in this direction before we were left at the starting line.  I did what any sensible person would do to maintain a competitive advantage.  I opened a new AcMo division named DAQMo, which is--yes, you guessed it--dedicated to understanding and exploiting data acquisition. I had assigned Snob Duben to head this division, but he disappeared a few days after receiving his assignment. Coincidence? There was only one other minor glitch.  OK, there were a few glitches, but they can all be encapsulated into a single concept:  no one here has the faintest clue what those squiggly lines mean.  This is a problem because those lines are the foundation of data analysis, or at least that's what I've been told by people who have been briefed on the matter but are not allowed to speak on the topic.

Huh?

The only data I've been able to extract from the above image is that it has something to do with Monaco.  I've always wanted to go to Monaco to see an F1 "race".  I almost had an invite a few years ago through C. Scagnetti, but he decided to burn that friendship before we could make the trip.  Now that I have exhausted my knowledge of the data trace, I need to admit that AcMo is struggling to understand what it all means.

I have heard stories of people at the track using their telemetry to produce better lap times; I think I've even seen a few people do just that, but it is still a black art to me.  I've been trying to fake competence in data analysis for years, but my efforts have not yielded the desired results.  This is a perfect time to pivot, but we are all still reeling from our last twenty pivots during fiscal year 2014.  I don't think AcMo or DAQMo can survive additional pivots at this time.  We need to stay the course even if it means complete destruction.

Do you know what these gold boxes do?  Please tell us.

Sometimes unexpected gifts fall from delivery drones right into our laps.  These unexpected delivery drops sometimes have to be orchestrated through sophisticated GPS spoofing and drone hijacking software.  AcMo has dedicated a great deal of time into creating no fly zones around our bases that compel drones to drop their packages to us and to then keep flying as if nothing happened.  Fate smiled upon us last week when the delivery truck dropped a box full of these small gold boxes at our doorstep.  At first I thought it was a mistake when I saw that AcMo wasn't the intended recipient, but then I realized that we wouldn't have received these if we were not supposed to receive them.  Once again, our stumbling block is that we don't know what to do with these boxes, but I'm certain they are important and quite powerful.  Someone must know how to harness their power.

DAQMO has immediate openings for every position.  Anyone who can decipher the squiggly lines, and/or unlock the secret of the gold boxes should contact us immediately.  The 2016 racing season is fast approaching, and we don't have a lot of time to fake competence before our first green flag.  PLEASE help us help you by helping us understand the technology.  Race wins are within our grasp with our data and your assistance in deciphering it.