Mail Wagons

Sometimes the pieces fall into place like a self-completing puzzle, if such a thing existed.  If not, expect to see AcMo branded self-completing puzzles soon!  The idea pieces float around in my mind trying to ram themselves into position.  That never works, but it makes for amusing mental images.  Once I'm able to take my mind off an immediate crisis, the pieces begin to cooperate.  Yesterday I was enlightened by a simple dump truck carrying a large open envelope.  I saw enormous potential in that market niche.  I've learned to at least wait a few hours before committing all of our resources to a new and unproven project.  Leading with my gut only ends in trouble.  I let the idea germinate in my mind before I ran it through BIG to see what we had.  Turns out BIG liked it.  I approved the project for immediate deployment.  We are moving AcMo into the mail business for the second time after our successful Postal Challenge.

I had forgotten about this:  Electric Cart Lets You Push Around a Semi Trailer Like It's Nothing.  This will help us move appropriated materials much faster, which should keep the authorities from noticing.  We will be able to move far more mail from the depot than we could have by hand which should increase our delivery capabilities by at least 1000%.

RCP in the house!

British Mail Introduces Delightful Electric Mail Trucks.  These trucks are going to change everything for AcMo.  This design just...works.  We of course will add our logos to conceal the Royal Mail ones and potentially tint the windows so it will be harder to identify our drivers.  I think we would do well to keep the existing license plates so that parking tickets will arrive at Royal Mail headquarters instead of ours.  That might not even be an issue if we're lucky enough to intercept the tickets first.  Then they will just disappear.  Forever.  The PEBs aren't allowed to win against AcMo.

Combining ground and air mail superiority will give us an unassailable power position.  Soon the only way AcMo can fall is from interior collapse, but the tape I've been using to secure our foundation means that would be improbable.  While these new mail trucks aren't dump trucks, I'm still excited to get a couple to test on delivery runs.  I already know we will want to increase the battery capacity and energy recovery systems so the trucks can go faster for longer periods.  There is nothing worse than fleeing a hot scene and then being forced to stop to recharge the batteries.

These vehicles have a high center of gravity, so we're going to focus a lot of effort on suspension tuning to create an AcMo approved level of drivability.  Our extensive track side knowledge and willingness to get our hands dirty touching things that we don't know how they work will aid us with the handling.  Of course we'll need to make some superfluous aerodynamic tweaks also.  The truck needs to look faster than it is.

I'm not sure how much performance tuning will be required to make these mail trucks legitimate get away vehicles.  A couple may have to be sacrificed in order to test the response times of local authorities to see what the current escapability profile is.  It is always imperative that one establishes a baseline before any serious tuning work begins.  Don't learn this lesson the hard way.  Efficiency is important at AcMo.  Everything we do is analyzed to learn how and where we can streamline operations.  This is a constant battle that rewards those who are diligent, and makes fools of those who ignore the risks.

I know you didn't think we were just going to drive around in our modified electric mail trucks pilfering mail.  The trucks are going to be further modified so that they can serve a much higher purpose thanks to one of the most wondrous creations ever:  magnets.  They are amazing.  Scientists Set a New Record for Strongest Magnet.  Science has done it again.  This new magnet will be modified to fit inside one of our new electric mail trucks.  That truck will serve as our wireless tow vehicle so we can bring home more cars to modify, and pick up any stray ATMs on the way.  The strength of the magnet will allow us to remain in the tow vehicle as we hook up the cars.  This reduces our vulnerability to attack and increases our efficiency.  As I said, we're all about efficiency at AcMo.  And speed.  But if you forced me to choose one it would be speed.

When Highway Pilot is activated, driving becomes a secondary task for the trucker. (Photo: Mercedes-Benz)

Phase three of this project involves autonomous trucks so we can focus on other areas of the business while still getting the mail and delivering it somewhere.  The window tint will become even more important then because we will probably put our crash test dummies and/or our stash of telepresence robots into the cockpits so we can leave all of the humans at the office--the smart ones anyway.  The "trucker" pictured above will be sorry he didn't stay at the office and let the truck drive itself.  He isn't even in a position to take the wheel in an emergency situation.  That's why we're smarter than Mercedes-Benz.  We won't have a problem like that because our drivers won't even be in danger of crashing while they sit at their desks.

The future is so exciting!  I can't wait to implement all of this new tech to take AcMo to new heights. We will soon be able to focus on water superiority so that we will have every format mastered.  No one will even see us coming by the time we've amassed our coalition.  Join the team today!  Positions are open for desk drivers with CDLs, and anyone who has proprietary Mercedes-Benz, or Mercedes-AMG HPP data.