BIG

Hauling the mail!

I don't have a clue why this dump truck is delivering a gigantic and already opened envelope, but I like what I'm seeing.  I think this is the type of operation AcMo will have to investigate.  If we can monopolize delivery of opened mail by dump truck, we would be realizing several of my childhood dreams simultaneously.  Having the ability to open mail before delivery would also give AcMo access to a lot of sensitive information that could help us further our development plans based on our competitors plans.  I see only upside to this type of mail delivery.  I bet the USPS would be happy to let us take over their business.

The AcMo Bad Idea Generator (BIG) is about to go online.  We're all excited about our newest innovation because it is the culmination of our combined experience and knowledge base.  This new product is the essence of AcMo in digital form.  We have worked hard over the years developing as many bad ideas as possible with the hope that we will eventually stumble onto one good idea.  That hasn't happened yet, but I'm not going to stop until it does, or we blow ourselves up by accident.

Wolves, flip flops, and Ninjas don't mix.  Please tell me you see the wolf on that motorcycle.

What is BIG?  BIG is a working copy of the idea centers of the AcMo brain trust installed on a computer hard drive.  It collects multiple data points to generate the worst possible ideas in seconds.  Sometimes I marvel at how efficient BIG is.

BIG predicted that the wolf would become obsessed with taking control of the motorcycle, and would encourage the flip flop wearing rider to vacate his seat while still in motion.  We understand that instead the wolf foresaw nothing but trouble from this situation, and did the sensible thing and jumped off shortly after this picture was taken.  A reaction like that is nearly impossible for anyone to predict.

The fireworks industry is a stellar example of what BIG can create.  Storing highly explosive incendiary devices in a packed warehouse starts the party, and then allowing open flames ANYWHERE near said warehouse usually ends it along with causing extreme property damage, multiple news reports, and a viral video.  This is BEFORE the end product has been sold to consumers who are willing and able to blow off their own appendages, sear their eyes and faces, and also create their own level of property and personal damage.

BIG didn't model the fireworks industry, but it can do something better:  create an even more dangerous evolution of it.  Pre-lit fireworks and invisible, unreliable fuses.  Overpacked explosive material and gasoline filled compartments within each firework.  All of this ordinance is stored inside a just emptied fuel truck based on BIG's recommendation. AcMo Fireworks division is happy to provide these evolved fireworks to anyone outside the continental US.  The volatility of our fireworks requires that each order must be picked up at the facility by the customer.  We do not recommend placing them inside of a moving vehicle.

BIG also calculates the probability of an undesirable outcome based on the strength of the idea.  We are happy to report that all of our BIG results have been between 93.4 and 100% failure.  We are proud to be able to boast such a high failure percentage.  This means that we are pushing past ordinary boundaries and developing for the future when those boundaries will no longer exist.

Good Idea                                                   Bad Idea 

We always carry at least two charged stun guns and multimeters when we're in the field because you never know when you might need to lift some prints.  That makes perfect sense, which is why I like the left image so much.  We've had to collect forensics like that at least 10 times during the past week.  That's how I found out who was trying to steal AcMo's safe.  Turns out it was my print on the safe, but it was an honest mistake.  I wasn't trying to steal my own safe.  

The image on the right is an example of a BIG result.  We would have used the flame thrower on that black widow before it had bitten our friend, but that's just us.  Our experience has shown us that spiders are not strong enough to withstand flames.  It's OK if that means burning down everything in the vicinity as long as the spider has been confirmed KIA.  As you can see from the illustration, the orange shirt guy's left hand is holding the left forearm of the victim.  When orange shirt applies the active stun gun to the victim, they will both be incapacitated as the current travels through their bodies.  It would be quite an amusing scene if not for the spider being there.  This is why you should NEVER, EVER go camping.  Once both campers are down, the black widow, due to its non-conducting silk web lifeline will not be effected by the stun gun.  It will then be free to call in reinforcements and go to town on both victims before anyone will even know they are down.  Just thinking about that makes me nervous.  Camping is bad.

We can start putting BIG to work for your organization today.  Send us your data and a blank check (that was BIG's input), and we'll have recommendations to help implode your business and/or life within seconds.  We're confidential, fast, reliable, and always off target, so contact AcMo today for an expert consultation.  Seriously, if we don't get enough orders to cover BIG's development costs, we could be in big trouble.