Remote Control Salvation

Today is a glorious day, and not just because the eclipse didn't signify the end of the world like I thought it might.  I survived staring into the eclipse while wearing my AcMo Safety Glasses without lenses only to learn from Scagnetti that I was staring at the sun hours after the eclipse had ended.  It doesn't matter.  My mental vision was opened by the experience, and the ideas began leaking from my brain early this morning.  They oozed directly into my journal to begin the transition from idea to amazing AcMo product.  That journal holds every single one of AcMo's most innovative products.

Soon all of the brains will be AcMo's

The brain is an intriguing construct.  It allows humans to achieve so much more than we should.  Most of our existence violates natural laws, and each of our technological breakthroughs hurtles us closer to oblivion.  We need to travel there to see what's on the other side.  That's another thing about the brain; it forces us to have to go through the door marked, "Private!  Authorized Personnel Only!!" even when we know we're not authorized.  Of course the TSA agents frown on this behavior, but it isn't like walking through a door marked in that manner is a legitimate federal crime or anything.

I might have mentioned the other day that our creative idea account might have been overdrawn, and that our only option was to hire ninjas to fulfill our contractual obligations to make this stupid power unit swap happen.  I believed that to be an accurate and honest assessment at the time.  But what is time?  No one knows because it is always changing.  In this case, time brought a solution via science.  I love science.  I know what I said yesterday, but science is the best.  I don't love it like I want to marry it, but it is special.  I love it while not being in love with it.  That would be weird, and potentially dangerous.  Once again, science has come to the rescue because of my direct sunlight data download and this little article I came across a few days ago:  Scientists remotely hacked a brain, controlling body movements.  I suggest reading the article because it is short and you should have some idea about what is going to happen to all of the brains around you soon.

All of our immediate problems can be solved by science using unproven and untested methods.  Experimental and dangerous is the only type of science worth practicing.  Astounding breakthroughs don't occur by being conservative.  AcMo would still be building model cars with questionable aerodynamics and locked wheels if we didn't expand beyond our level of expertise.  AcMo is always striving for the level beyond the next level.

The early versions of this hack require physical access to the target brains, but we are going to do what we do best and accelerate development so that we can remotely hack into brains that we haven't already implanted the modified DNA strands and nanoparticles into.  This should take us no more than two to three weeks to accomplish.

"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." - Leonardo Da Vinci

Come on, that tank is obviously influenced by UFOs.

That guy knew a thing or two about stuff.  He's the type of person you need to pay attention to and take all of his drawings seriously.  I suspect his advanced work was borrowed from alien technology, and it was only simple to him because those same aliens told him how it all functioned.  Our plan is simple, elegant, and almost foolproof.

Let me detail how this is going to work.  First, Alpha team will assault the Mercedes AMG High Performance Powertrains factory by taking control of all security personnel's brains.  Why do the hard work if we can have their own people do it for us?  Alpha team will gather intel on all factory personnel to determine exactly which brains to target.  This should only take a few hours of monitoring.  Bravo team will be deployed at the Honda factory to perform the same tasks.  Once the targets have been identified, we will activate our remote control program.  By the time we're ready to move on the factory we will have upgraded the rudimentary system mentioned in the article to a wireless long range non-nanoparticle one.  Our hacking system will provide the capability to infiltrate a brain at any distance, and log into it like an unsecured wireless network.  Once we're in one brain, we can then use it to connect and control more brains.  Those of you who are familiar with botnets may recognize the pattern.

Brain chips are the future

We can progress to phase two once all of the target brains have been captured.  Think of it as a giant game of capture the flag, but with brains.  Phase two is copy/paste.  Our targets will copy all relevant engine data and then upload it to our secure servers.  Meanwhile, Bravo team will be busy wiping all of the data from Honda's servers and backups, thus erasing all records of their lousy engine.  Bravo team will then transfer the Mercedes AMG HPP data into the brains of our targeted Honda engineers.  Just putting the data there isn't enough to guarantee a successful operation, so we will also take full remote control of those targets to build Mercedes AMG HPP's engines inside the Honda factory.  We know how to build engines better than the Honda engineers, so that shouldn't be a problem.  Because we will also have full letter and word control by this point, the valve covers will be emblazoned with "HONDA, yes, really, HONDA" to fool any suspicious FIA investigators.

The above classified information should satisfy all of the remaining doubters who didn't think AcMo had the skill set to accomplish this task.  The fact that we make it look so damn easy is a nice bonus.  If only all of our plans came together with such ease and finesse.  At least we can move on to other projects now.

We won't even need letter, word, or air control once we can put your brains into the palms of our hands.  You will have to do what we command you to do, which means we may not even need to go online with our trafficide weapons system when we scale remote brain control.  I know our beta tester will be disappointed by this news, but with our pending bluetooth and wifi brain control app, traffic won't be an issue for him.  Besides, I think he'll find enjoyment in causing Priuses (I don't care what Toyota said, I'm not calling them, "Prii") to crash into each other during his daily commute.