Black Hole Games

AcMo had a tough weekend after a routine oil change on Friday became a two day odyssey of doubt, fear, missing screws, a suspect oil level, and plenty of hydraulic jack inspired problems.  This was not our best work, and our analysis has not identified the issues.  We were able to get the oil level correct after a possible overfill incident, but that involved significant personal sacrifice and many tears.  However, that's a story for another post.

I sensed it this morning when I awoke.  No, not joint pain, something worse.  The specter of that oil change recurring every time persisted in my brain.  Mental fog is a persistent morning irritant that can become a concern when it doesn't dissipate by early afternoon.  At the time, I thought today might be one of those days.  The Internet indicated sunrise had already occurred, but it was darker than it should have been.  I thought there was a storm coming.  Then I remembered that my left pinky finger points north whenever a storm is approaching.  This is the result of it being run over by a rogue wheel when I was a child.  That particular wheel might have fallen off of a car that I was not authorized to repair.  We all have our origin stories, and I suppose that was the moment I realized I was not qualified to work on cars, so I kept working on cars.  I have problems understanding mixed signals.

My first reaction to this new darkness was fear that I was experiencing the aftereffects of a nuclear winter.  It is important to jump first to the worst imaginable scenario because everything after that will seem tame by comparison.  All of AcMo's electronics were still working, and the Internet didn't indicate that the end was nigh, I then thought that my eyes had given up working.  Once I determined it was in fact morning, I dismissed the strange light and went about my day.  It wasn't until later that I realized that the strange light may have been the result of the coming eclipse.  I don't know for sure because my AcMo Eclipse Safety Glasses lost their lenses yesterday, so I can't look up to check.  I still felt there was more happening today.  I'm learning to trust my instincts after years of being misled, so I went with it.

Sometimes I hate science and scientists.  When I was in school I hated science class and my science teachers, but that was different.  Now I understand that my teachers were just doing their jobs, but putting a kid inside a trunk to simulate a vacuum was not cool.  Unlike my science teachers, I'm sure most scientists are great people, but they so often try to create things that will destroy the world and somehow believe that a million unknown factors won't occur and cause a catastrophic failure.  I can't count how many times I've heard a scientist say, "This is perfectly safe" right before an unexpected explosion.  I can't count how many times I've said that about an engine build right before the same result.  I'm tired of it, and I have trouble hearing now because I always forget to wear my hearing protection.

The eclipse is making the big news, but it is just a distraction for what's really coming.  "Hey, look over there!"  A classic feint that never fails.  It is human nature to look even for a brief second.  I bet you looked.  That second is all it takes to snatch reality from your grasp.  New information became available yesterday that would connect the dots for anyone paying attention.  We are approaching a storm beyond biblical proportions because the bible's writers lacked true imagination.  Parting a sea is nothing compared to briefly--and by briefly I mean not at all--controlling a space-time rift.

Every person at AcMo knows how important it is to steer clear of black holes.  That's a lesson you only need to learn once.  This includes playing with them, simulating them, or even thinking about them too much.  Our recent foray into space-time rifts resulted in a missing dishwasher and a trip to the store to buy all new dishes.  We wash everything by hand now, so it takes most of the day to get the job done.  That doesn't leave much time for innovating.  Today isn't about an amazing new innovation though.  No, today is about spreading caution and awareness before its too late.

So pretty.

British scientists have recreated the conditions of a black hole using a giant bathtub and water dye

Take note of how calm the students are in the video in the article and also how comfortable they are around the tub.  They appear to be oblivious to the potential danger of the situation they are creating.  Being smart doesn't always translate into being safe.  Remember their faces in case they disappear from existence within the next few weeks.   You've all seen this movie at least ten times:  scientists do something that is obviously dangerous to the world and are then surprised when their creation becomes...dangerous to the world.  Simulating black holes is quite similar to summoning Candyman or BeetleJuice.  You just don't do it!  Just two more of these "simulations" and we'll have real life black holes in all of our bathtubs, waiting to suck us into oblivion.  I for one will not accept that fate, which is why I am refusing to even acknowledge my bathtubs until I can confirm there is no chance of a black hole being created in them.

Knowing is half the battle, but YOU can't win against a black hole.

We are one misstep away from turning simulated black holes into real black holes.  As I said, you've all seen this movie before, but please be smarter than the characters and step away before it's too late for all of us.  AcMo has a lot more cars to mess up before we shut down our shop.  We can't reach our goal if we're sucked into a black hole before our black hole proof ship is ready.  Give us the time we need to prepare for the inevitable.  We will be laughing all the way through the event horizon at all of you doubters.

AcMo has exciting news to share in our next update if we're all still here tomorrow.