Both a Wood Eraser and Cakes J. (I did not fabricate these names) sent a shocking number of structurally and grammatically similar messages, almost as if they are related or something. They both complained that I am simultaneously posting too much and too little. They go on to state that much of it is non-sensical. Cakes J. had the audacity to order me to "turn it off". Wood Eraser indicated I would become the victim of a DDoS attack if I didn't agree to post only about topics he liked, such as spring, video games, and his birthday--which is coincidentally in spring. Just to be sure I understood him, he supplied me with a copy of his gift wish list.
I asked them to stop messaging me. When one tentacle is removed...
A user named, 50-K, demanded I personally email her each time I posted a new entry. I agreed to do so, but I also pointed out that she had the option of subscribing to the blog which would enable her to be notified automatically. She became so irate that the next four lines were gibberish. When she finally calmed enough to type coherently, she indicated that she would post daily negative reviews about my blog on Yelp if I failed to comply with her request. I did not want to get a negative rep on Yelp (that may or may not be a brand killer), so I forwarded her to a competitor's blog with the understanding that she would be a better fit there. My Yelp rep has so far stayed positive while "50 Ways Cats Try to Kill You Daily" has been deluged with negative reviews, which I think means my gambit worked.
A Mr. Stark complained that my blog lacked an identity and that omission was tarnishing my brand. He also demanded that I increase my posting frequency and volume. It seems that it is impossible to please any of my readers. I engaged him to elaborate on my brand problems as I didn't realize this operation had a brand. He quickly became indignant and said, "Brand management is not a toy. Only those who respect the power of a brand are worthy to wield it. You, sir, are not worthy. Bow to my greatness! Communication terminated." That was indeed the last contact I had with Mr. Stark.
Different perspectives are always important, so I decided to do a little research to try to understand Mr. Stark's point. I formed an exploratory committee to study the feasibility of engaging a marketing firm to craft a shiny brand for my operation. An exhaustive reading of Wikipedia left me confused. The exploratory committee found a marketing firm on Craigslist who would work for free in exchange for five percent of my brand's equity. I reasoned five percent of zero was a fair price to pay for brand building experts.
This group was incredibly enthusiastic and even answered the phone on the first ring. I knew we were going to be a perfect fit. We set up a Skype call, and they treated me to a PowerPoint presentation illustrating how they could craft, nurture, and explode my brand. I think it was all very intellectual and bleeding-edge brand building stuff, but I'm not sure because I fell asleep during the presentation.
When I awoke, the Skype call had turned bad like so many others before it. The marketing department's office was awash in chaos. I think I even saw several desks and computers on fire, but it was hard to tell because the lights had been turned off for the presentation. I know I did hear one of them proclaim, "I am the head of marketing, and all of you shall kneel before me! (A common theme in brand management?)" Someone in the background, I think I heard him being called, "H-Dog," suggested they throw the marketing head in the fire. The call terminated following that exchange. I hope the marketing head survived the skirmish. I did try calling to check, but no one answered, and their web page has vanished. I had no idea brand building could be so dangerous.
I learned so much from that experience that I decided to stand up a marketing department to replace the now closed complaint department. I'll have a formal press release and details about personnel in the marketing department at a later date. Every bit of adversity can eventually result in a positive outcome. It sometimes requires a different perspective and/or mindset to see it.
It only takes a few bad seeds to poison the gene pool, and likewise, a handful of vehement complainers have ruined the platform for all of you. The upside is that now you will all be free to focus on only providing positive feedback as you now know the complaint department is not available to hear your concerns.
I'm off to build my brand. Long live the complaint department!
A Mr. Stark complained that my blog lacked an identity and that omission was tarnishing my brand. He also demanded that I increase my posting frequency and volume. It seems that it is impossible to please any of my readers. I engaged him to elaborate on my brand problems as I didn't realize this operation had a brand. He quickly became indignant and said, "Brand management is not a toy. Only those who respect the power of a brand are worthy to wield it. You, sir, are not worthy. Bow to my greatness! Communication terminated." That was indeed the last contact I had with Mr. Stark.
Different perspectives are always important, so I decided to do a little research to try to understand Mr. Stark's point. I formed an exploratory committee to study the feasibility of engaging a marketing firm to craft a shiny brand for my operation. An exhaustive reading of Wikipedia left me confused. The exploratory committee found a marketing firm on Craigslist who would work for free in exchange for five percent of my brand's equity. I reasoned five percent of zero was a fair price to pay for brand building experts.
This group was incredibly enthusiastic and even answered the phone on the first ring. I knew we were going to be a perfect fit. We set up a Skype call, and they treated me to a PowerPoint presentation illustrating how they could craft, nurture, and explode my brand. I think it was all very intellectual and bleeding-edge brand building stuff, but I'm not sure because I fell asleep during the presentation.
When I awoke, the Skype call had turned bad like so many others before it. The marketing department's office was awash in chaos. I think I even saw several desks and computers on fire, but it was hard to tell because the lights had been turned off for the presentation. I know I did hear one of them proclaim, "I am the head of marketing, and all of you shall kneel before me! (A common theme in brand management?)" Someone in the background, I think I heard him being called, "H-Dog," suggested they throw the marketing head in the fire. The call terminated following that exchange. I hope the marketing head survived the skirmish. I did try calling to check, but no one answered, and their web page has vanished. I had no idea brand building could be so dangerous.
I learned so much from that experience that I decided to stand up a marketing department to replace the now closed complaint department. I'll have a formal press release and details about personnel in the marketing department at a later date. Every bit of adversity can eventually result in a positive outcome. It sometimes requires a different perspective and/or mindset to see it.
It only takes a few bad seeds to poison the gene pool, and likewise, a handful of vehement complainers have ruined the platform for all of you. The upside is that now you will all be free to focus on only providing positive feedback as you now know the complaint department is not available to hear your concerns.
I'm off to build my brand. Long live the complaint department!
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