Blast Shields

Almost every day at AcMo involves a meeting with the lawyers.  These meetings are never fun because all the lawyers care about is AcMo's exposure to lawsuits.  According to the lawyers, AcMo has a lot of exposure.  I think they just say that to justify the outrageous bills, but maybe they are right.  These meetings often end with a directive that AcMo must get in front of the impending product scandal and issue a release explaining the situation.  I almost never do that because it is too hard to come across as sincere and caring while explaining how and why we let a defective product into the marketplace.  The truth is, defective or not, we can't function unless we're shipping product.

Today is one of the rare days I was willing to do what was recommended by AcMo's lawyers.  It is good for morale to let them have a victory every once in a while.  No one likes hanging out with grumpy lawyers.  It's even worse when you have to pay for them to be here and they are making every one else miserable.

When your TGEx™ has had enough and decides to explode, our patented AcMo blast shields (marketing is late as usual with a super cool product name) will protect you and others from shrapnel damage.   Granted, shrapnel was instrumental in transforming Tony Stark into Iron Man, but the odds of that happening again are low.  If you like to gamble, by all means, give it a shot, but don't try to sue AcMo when the outcome is not optimal.  We want to protect our customers and those around them from injury or death.  We would tell you to shop elsewhere, but the business model can't survive that.

The blast shields are designed to withstand multiple explosions of a maximum 0.5 kilotons of energy before needing replacement.  These shields are built to withstand heat in excess of 2000º .  You could bake or grill with these shields, although there is a high likelihood of chemicals leaching into your food.  Upon further consideration, please only use the blast shields for their intended purpose and nothing else.  We cannot warranty shields used for cooking, fishing, or as extra seat cushions.  Each package contains about one year's worth of protection.  By minimizing the propagation of the energy blast, engines and transmissions can sometimes be salvaged for future use.  The AcMo blast shields are a unique blend of kevlar, carbo-titanium, and a modicum of newt's eye.  That last ingredient is responsible for giving them their sparkle--at least before the first explosion.  They don't sparkle any longer after that.  In fact, they will look charred and deformed after the blast, but they will still function.  I think.  I haven't had the courage to test them with a second blast.

Running a TGEx™without the blast shields puts yourself, your passengers, innocent bystanders, and other motorists at increased risk of shrapnel damage.  Don't be part of the problem, be part of the short-term solution.  We hope to have the TGEx™fixed before too many of them are sold, but we can't stop production at this time.  The costs involved are too great to not have our products on store shelves.  AcMo urges caution when using our products, and we hope that none of you explode in the process.  That's why it is so important to run our Blast Shields.