TGE™ Success x2!

This is what happens when you don't respect the torque gaps.

I am thrilled to announce that the Torque Gap Exploder™ will now be added to our expanding product lineup.  This decision was the result of exhaustive field trial failures which did not produce a workable alternative.  The TGEx™is the result of intensive R & D gone wrong.  The engineers couldn't come up with a solid resolution, so we did the next best thing:  full blown spin control.  Consider it a happy accident that benefits the consumer similar to kevlar, Post-It's, IBM, the line of scrimmage, the infield fly rule, crock pots, and others.

The TGEx™, like every AcMo product, is for the discerning connoisseur who does everything in fine style.  Install the TGEx™ then prepare to call your transport service to pick up your now junked vehicle.  Those still under the manufacturer's new vehicle warranty will be thrilled to learn that the explosion will not be covered.  This is why we test on other people's cars first.  The TGEx™allows anyone to detonate their engine during power application.  We discovered this unique feature during our first test.  We believed it was either a manufacturing defect, or at worst, not installed in the correct manner.  The manual doesn't include installation instructions at this time because I've been too busy to write them, so we decided against the culprit being an installation error.  We ran detailed simulations using our vast network of compromised servers to confirm the design's validity. That left product defect from the manufacturer.

The printing facilities are across the hall from my office, so I sacrificed my lunch break to run over there to supervise the production line.  I have surveillance covering every inch of the AcMo headquarters, but even in 3D, these cameras don't provide an accurate representation of the real thing.  It was a surprise to walk into the room and hear the printers for the first time.  They are much louder than I expected.  I think I violated a few OSHA regulations since I didn't wear hearing protection or safety glasses, but I kept my eyes closed most of the time, so I think I'm good.

Stepping into the manufacturing facilities filled me with joy.  I don't know why I didn't do that sooner.  One day the entire building will be full of 3D printers creating the next stage in automotive innovations.  For now we are just 6 printers, with a seventh reserved for development of printing edible food as part of a side business.  Each printer creates the TGE™or TGEx™from a block of undisclosed material (I have too many competitors who want this tech to give up all of the details) that will soon be installed in a car near you.  Another development from our field testing was the creation of TGEx™blast shields.  These are designed to limit shrapnel exposure and collateral damage when the inevitable explosion occurs and the engine's internals flee to safety outside the block.  A happy customer is a returning customer, and an exploded one is bad for our street cred.

AcMo will have a detailed release regarding the blast shields the moment I have time to tell the marketing department we have a new product.  I accept that our communication skills may not be the best, but I just do not have time to update the marketing department about every second of every day. To be honest, even though I know the department is essential to AcMo's continued success, I still have not been able to accept their intrusive nature.

We now have two great products, with two similar names, sold in the same packaging.  AcMo wins, and the consumers win no matter which product you purchase.  AcMo is considering a two for one special, dependent on demand and on a first come, first serve basis.

The TGEx™t-shirts are still combusting when worn in direct sunlight, UV light, or, to be honest, any kind of light.  We are working hard to solve the issue, and hope to have the t-shirts stable enough for transport within the next few weeks.

Exuberant doesn't begin to describe the mood in the AcMo offices.  We are about to take complete control of the automotive world while no one is watching.  GM's recall woes couldn't have been timed better for our purposes.  I know you're thinking our SOD had something to do with GM's problems, but I assure you that our external disaster team had not yet been formed when GM went bad.