One of my many talents is identifying new market opportunities after they've been widely covered on the Internet, radio, and television. This skill has helped AcMo diversify into a number of mature market sectors. We've just finished a market study that concluded with the introduction of AcMo Sounds. Our new Sounds division is working to get acquired for several billion dollars. Once you've finished expressing your incredulity, I would like to direct your attention to recent news stories regarding the acquisition of a headphone maker/streaming music service by Apple. There is precedent for this. We provide proprietary listening devices and sound enhancement tech. In addition to our listening tools, we also have a studio where we create sounds. We work with your sounds, or can create made to order sounds for our clients. We are only limited by the client's imagination and budget. Chances are you've been in a public place when you heard someone's deafening ring tone. That could have been one of our AcMo advanced sound profile ring tones.
We do sound engineering for live stage shows, concerts, recording studios, in-car sound generators, and anything else our clients need. Our studio division creates the industry's best studio monitors, headphones, and in ear monitors by purchasing the best products available, replacing their logos with ours, and then adding a 20% price increase. Everyone wins except the consumer. The consumer never wins.
The fake in-car sound generators utilised by manufacturers these days are an AcMo favorite. We have been known to tweak the profile on a few of them to provide the illusion that the car is operating with only half its cylinder count. When the owner has the car serviced, the mechanic will hear an engine operating on what appears to be double its cylinder count. That way both owner and mechanic can be involved in the fun. We do this by utilizing sound canceling technology and a bit of magic.
The fake in-car sound generators utilised by manufacturers these days are an AcMo favorite. We have been known to tweak the profile on a few of them to provide the illusion that the car is operating with only half its cylinder count. When the owner has the car serviced, the mechanic will hear an engine operating on what appears to be double its cylinder count. That way both owner and mechanic can be involved in the fun. We do this by utilizing sound canceling technology and a bit of magic.
We've been contacted by Formula One management type people on a discreet basis to engineer improved sounds for the current cars. We performed our routine due diligence which yielded several surprising results. The new cars never approach their 15,000 rpm limit, resemble the sounds a typical high-end vacuum cleaner makes when jammed with legos--don't ask me how I know this--and fail to create the fiery excitement previous generation engines did when they exceeded their mechanical limits. Our first proposal was a simple one. We suggested all teams raise their rev limits back up to 20,000, and require teams to use all of the revs available to them at all times. This would also require eliminating the current fuel consumption rules, which is a bonus. None of the teams would get onboard citing cost and environmental image concerns. I started crying I was laughing so hard when I heard that. Can you believe they say these things with straight faces?
We looked into the data to produce another cost-effective and ingenious solution to F1's current sound issue. We advised the teams to return to the use of V12 and V10 engines in their cars, but that was met with derision also. It has become apparent that not everyone likes fast cars to be even faster and for them to sound amazing in the process. We were not surprised by the rejections because the same group that asked for our assistance is also the group who voted to make the current changes to the sport. How can those teams be expected to get it right after getting it so very wrong? They won't even admit in public that there's a problem, and we all know that the first step toward a resolution is admitting a problem exists. The documentation AcMo has received from the various manufacturer's representatives states that they cannot and will not admit to any errors in public. Given the number of failures and mistakes AcMo has swept under the rug over the course of our operational existence, I can relate to their position. That, however, does nothing to improve the aural impact of current F1 cars. I fear nothing can fix them since our proposals were rejected. Of the three teams who agreed to one of our proposed solutions, one may leave the sport within a year, and the other two are undergoing so much internal turmoil that they may not have realized what vote they were casting.
No matter, one lost billion dollar deal won't stop us from continuing on our acquisition trail to the promised land. If you're wondering how the F1 contract would have been a billion dollar deal, the proposal involved some serious upselling and complicated contract maneuvers so we could receive payment for work performed by the teams. Think of us like a talent manager who works alongside an agent. The manager doesn't do anything, but still gets paid for the agent's work. That is the model we were attempting to replicate. We'll nail it down soon, if not in this sector then somewhere else we have operations.
We have started our marketing blitz to overshadow our lack of substance by using shiny ad campaigns filled with references to all of the latest trends. When consumers see what a pair of AcMo Sounds branded headphones can do for their image and street cred, they will not be able to resist joining the movement. Once the movement starts, we will use our patented accelerators to make it a global phenomenon. Everyone, including people who have no method for listening to recorded sounds, will be clamoring for an AcMo Sounds product. The consumer market will force the professionals to join the collective. AcMo Sounds is the next cog in the global domination machine being constructed at one of our many secret facilities. Our success here will allow us to circumvent the F1 teams. We will alter the sound of the television broadcast before it reaches those watching. The teams won't know, and the fans won't care.
It may take longer than anticipated, but AcMo always gets what it desires.
We looked into the data to produce another cost-effective and ingenious solution to F1's current sound issue. We advised the teams to return to the use of V12 and V10 engines in their cars, but that was met with derision also. It has become apparent that not everyone likes fast cars to be even faster and for them to sound amazing in the process. We were not surprised by the rejections because the same group that asked for our assistance is also the group who voted to make the current changes to the sport. How can those teams be expected to get it right after getting it so very wrong? They won't even admit in public that there's a problem, and we all know that the first step toward a resolution is admitting a problem exists. The documentation AcMo has received from the various manufacturer's representatives states that they cannot and will not admit to any errors in public. Given the number of failures and mistakes AcMo has swept under the rug over the course of our operational existence, I can relate to their position. That, however, does nothing to improve the aural impact of current F1 cars. I fear nothing can fix them since our proposals were rejected. Of the three teams who agreed to one of our proposed solutions, one may leave the sport within a year, and the other two are undergoing so much internal turmoil that they may not have realized what vote they were casting.
No matter, one lost billion dollar deal won't stop us from continuing on our acquisition trail to the promised land. If you're wondering how the F1 contract would have been a billion dollar deal, the proposal involved some serious upselling and complicated contract maneuvers so we could receive payment for work performed by the teams. Think of us like a talent manager who works alongside an agent. The manager doesn't do anything, but still gets paid for the agent's work. That is the model we were attempting to replicate. We'll nail it down soon, if not in this sector then somewhere else we have operations.
We have started our marketing blitz to overshadow our lack of substance by using shiny ad campaigns filled with references to all of the latest trends. When consumers see what a pair of AcMo Sounds branded headphones can do for their image and street cred, they will not be able to resist joining the movement. Once the movement starts, we will use our patented accelerators to make it a global phenomenon. Everyone, including people who have no method for listening to recorded sounds, will be clamoring for an AcMo Sounds product. The consumer market will force the professionals to join the collective. AcMo Sounds is the next cog in the global domination machine being constructed at one of our many secret facilities. Our success here will allow us to circumvent the F1 teams. We will alter the sound of the television broadcast before it reaches those watching. The teams won't know, and the fans won't care.
It may take longer than anticipated, but AcMo always gets what it desires.
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