Free the Pressure Points!

Traditional acupuncture has long been considered an alternative therapy to help...I just realized I have no idea what acupuncture does.  I imagine that acupuncture releases blockages from pressure points in the body to introduce a meditative state that promotes healing and balance.  I'm healed and balanced, so I have no immediate need for acupuncture, but I'm thinking about all of the people out there who are waiting to add their hard earned dollars into AcMo's coffers.  Remember fellow business people, there is no such thing as an overfunded war chest.

I fell asleep the one time I tried acupuncture. My goal, at that time, was to strengthen my pimp hand. It was strong then, but it could always be stronger. Imagine how much fun it was to wake up and discover I was on pins and needles.  I'm cranky enough when I'm awakened, but that took it to a different level, in part because my pressure points were all free.  I had unlimited energy available to channel into my crankiness.  The tip I left expressed my extreme crankiness.  I've also been told I can never return, but that's nothing new.  I lost count of the local establishments that have banned me as a result of their poor grasp on how a proper customer relationship functions.  It takes at most three months before those establishments close or invite me back because they are desperate for the business.  That's when I transform into acquisition mode and scoop up more assets.

The latest revenue stream we intend to exploit involves a radical new approach to traditional acupuncture.  If those small needles are so successful, imagine how much more effective larger needles could be.  The field tests started months ago, and I underwent a round of beta testing this morning.  I'm still trying to stop vibrating enough so I can type.  It might be dangerous to add even more balance and flow to an already balanced individual.  I've heard over-balancing is similar to the result achieved when one tries to fill an already full glass:  milk goes everywhere but in the glass.  Then the milk and cookies experience is ruined forever.  There is no 5 second rule on milk.  I will have to monitor myself for any unwanted side effects, or an increase in erratic behavior.  I'm already set up to do this monitoring thanks to my AcMo Human Telemetry System, and our super sensitive security monitoring system.

Here's how I think it works because no one tells me anything anymore:  we take regular acupuncture needles and then super size them.  Everything else is the same, but our STERILE (you're welcome) needles now pack at least 57% more punch.  It takes less time to reach a relaxed state, and the pressure points open almost immediately.  This means we can move more people through the facilities during a given day.  We are still working on finalizing the performance increase numbers. A lot of that work depends upon finding the optimum needle size.  We went one size too large a few weeks ago, and an employee almost bled out.  That unfortunate incident almost destroyed the program, and the cleaning bill to remove all traces of the blood almost destroyed AcMo.  Profuse bleeding aside, the efficacy of our procedure has been tested on a weekly basis here at AcMo.  This is one of our secret weapons, and one of the main reasons I can juggle so many disparate entities without losing my mind.

The results tend to leave me feeling as if I can walk on air.  In rare cases, I was able to walk on air for brief periods.  I would not recommend testing this on anything higher than two feet.  The transition is abrupt with limited warning, and it can be quite painful to fall from thirty feet after having been walking on air only moments prior to the fall.  This is what happened to me, but I can assure you that your results will be different.

Despite the looming risk of debilitating side effects, or a large needle getting stuck in a pressure point, I am eager for the opportunity to bring a bit of AcMo flavor to acupuncture.  Marketing has signed off on the new name, AcMopuncture.  This is acupuncture accelerated to a new level.  We have designed these needles so that they are powerful enough to send an otherwise healthy person straight into a coma if used too long.  There is no great reward without great risk.  Only the brave need apply, but those few souls will forever bask in the glory of total consciousness.*  Having a turbocharged brain is well worth the risk, in my opinion.  Imagine solving every one of your 99 problems in 5 minutes.

We will be rolling out our AcMopuncture needles to a location near you in the future.  Expect a formal announcement closer to the launch date which we'll set as soon as our production needles clear customs.





*Due to new SEC guidelines, we are not permitted to guarantee an annual percentage return on your investments.  Please understand that we can for sure return 20% or greater, but we just can't tell you that.  There is substantial risk involved in any medical type procedure performed by non-medical staff, so keep that in mind as well.