Compensation Package may still be on the loose somewhere in AcMo's HQ, but our state of the art thermal cameras can't identify it. We are contemplating demolition, but we want to wait until after I've completed the Omnicron swap to make a decision. The point was that a loose rattlesnake has not stopped the employees from completing their assignments. Failed deals, clogged sinks, a malfunctioning escalator, and a multitude of other issues haven't eroded corporate morale at all. Nothing can hurt us now that everyone understands complaints aren't heard. We are a stronger and more cohesive unit as a result.
Just last week, we had a call from the fire marshal regarding a few minor code violations. On a normal week, that call would have ruined us. Now we just transfer the fire marshal to the complaint department and go about our business. Problem solved.
This is also the best way to extricate oneself from jury duty. I've used the technique in an ingenious way. It is prudent that I omit the exact details because it won't work any longer if everyone attempts it. The only wrinkle, and it's a small one as far as wrinkles go, is that there may be a mandatory tour of court provided housing for a few days. It has something to do with contempt, but I never concern myself with nonsense legalese. That's why we had a legal team until I grew tired of all of their legal talk.
Just last week, we had a call from the fire marshal regarding a few minor code violations. On a normal week, that call would have ruined us. Now we just transfer the fire marshal to the complaint department and go about our business. Problem solved.
This is also the best way to extricate oneself from jury duty. I've used the technique in an ingenious way. It is prudent that I omit the exact details because it won't work any longer if everyone attempts it. The only wrinkle, and it's a small one as far as wrinkles go, is that there may be a mandatory tour of court provided housing for a few days. It has something to do with contempt, but I never concern myself with nonsense legalese. That's why we had a legal team until I grew tired of all of their legal talk.
I must encourage everyone to try closing their complaint departments for a month. I guarantee the trial period will turn into permanent closure when you see what no complaints can do for your bottom line. Just look at how well AT&T and Time Warner cable are doing. They both closed their complaint departments years ago.
If those two success stories aren't convincing, there is something wrong. I am working on a proposal right now to provide the Better Business Bureau with a seamless transition into a complaint free model. I know it will help their public image, and it will also increase sales. Remember, I've guaranteed as much, and AcMo survives on its stellar reputation and unparalleled commitment to customer satisfaction.
If those two success stories aren't convincing, there is something wrong. I am working on a proposal right now to provide the Better Business Bureau with a seamless transition into a complaint free model. I know it will help their public image, and it will also increase sales. Remember, I've guaranteed as much, and AcMo survives on its stellar reputation and unparalleled commitment to customer satisfaction.
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