AcMo Rage Hat®

The AcMo Rage Hat® started out as the AcMo Tranq® Cap available in trucker style and flat brim style for the aesthetically challenged.  The Tranq Cap was designed as a pacifier to reduce violent tendencies.  Our initial mission brief was to target road rage mitigation.  We had hoped that introducing a calming influence directly into the wearer's brains would at least reduce injuries during road rage incidents, if not eliminate road rage altogether.

The theory was sound, the math backed up the theory, but the reality diverged from both.  It was a colossal failure in practice.  The cap did not pacify any test subjects without also wrecking consciousness.  A person can only be knocked out so many times before their soul is left in ruins.  There are times when innovation into unknown areas exacts a hefty tariff.  The mystery drives us to do more.  We went back to the data and made up a plausible sounding conclusion.  The Tranq Cap was a bad design that slipped through several rounds of the vetting process.  We needed checks and balances for our checks and balances.  We didn’t have the redundancy built into the model and it cost us.  All the cap did was put people to sleep.  We scrambled to turn our failure into a victory, so we changed the name and the delivery system.  AcMo Sleep® emerged as the reinvigorated and properly targeted Tranq Cap.

AcMo’s marketing department is beyond brilliant and has vast experience resurrecting failed projects and transforming them into successes.  This time Marketing figured out how to fix the AcMo Rage Hat® using words and striking special effects in the advertising. An individual with a heart condition, and/or a history of violent behavior, and/or has a desire to kill her/his spouse should not wear this product.  I know this limits the potential market for our product, but we can't be held liable when things go wrong, and they always go wrong at some point.

The AcMo Rage Hat® is designed to leak gamma radiation above the wearer's cerebral cortex.  This is safer than standing in front of the microwave oven with the door open, which we also do not advise.  Gamma rays have been proven to be effective strength enhancers, adrenaline boosters, and causing frequent and uncontrolled fits of mayhem.  It is not advised to wear the hat for extended periods, or to even keep it within fifty feet when not being worn unless it is housed in its safety case.  We have designed the safety case to be stylish and functional.  It is a bit heavy since it is built from lead.  It protects innocent bystanders from stray gamma ray exposure.  The case is a cost option, but I must stress that it is a smart purchase.

Side effects may include torn clothes, a slight green skin tone, and fractured bones and relationships.  Rage hat wearers can be identified by their extreme anger and the trail of destruction left in their wake.  This product must be used with extreme care.  The rage hat can only be cleaned while it is in the safety case.  We’re still finalizing how that is going to work, but we’re confident we will have a solution soon.  Until then, just don’t get the hat wet because it doesn’t like that.  Making the rage hat angry is never a good idea.  Abusing the rage hat is dangerous for everyone.

The hats should never be worn before surgery or other delicate tasks are scheduled.  The propensity for everything to end up broken is raised 1025% when wearing a Rage Hat.  I shouldn’t have to say this because it should be obvious by now, but the hat should never be worn while sleeping.

We hope to begin product testing in the D.C. area soon since the commuter traffic there is rubbish.  We already have one beta tester signed up and we are looking for more.  It is not wise to allow two or more rage hats to be worn closer than 20 meters.  This distance requirement must be followed at all times.  We think something similar to what happens if the Ghostbusters' proton packs cross streams will occur with the rage hats inside 20 meters.  We have run the simulations and they all end with extreme disaster, but we've learned that simulations don’t always equal real world results.  We are just too scared to test this in the lab.

Sometimes the Rage Hat can be used to overcome fear to allow the wearer to perform at peak levels for longer.  This is especially useful during activities such as train rolling or semi-truck surfing.  We do not endorse or condone behavior that can lead to certain injury or death, but if you are going to engage in dangerous activities anyway, you should let AcMo profit from it.