Flat Bill

The flat bill fox is the most lethal kind of fox.  It’s much more dangerous than the CarFox.

We should all be very afraid.

"You know the type, loud as a motorbike..."

The suburban adult family man who wears the flat bill cap and poses tough in Facebook photos to garner street cred with his kids in the background.  I don't think it works the way he thinks it does.

If bills were intended to be flat, ducks would never have been able to beat the platypus clans in the Great Wars.  That is just common sense right there.  Everyone knows the flat bill is a crime against nature.  Some people just want to be criminals.  This is why I had to nickname an egregious offender I encountered Flat Bill.  He is the worst kind of offender because he knows it looks silly and just doesn’t care.  I am unwilling to divulge his real name because he might send his Facebook posse after me, and I don’t need those thumbs down following me.

Flat Bill is a harmless enough guy.  He has the usual approaching middle age flab that a father of multiple kids acquires from never exercising.  He hides it well with baggy shirts and by drawing attention to his head with his hats.  He isn't aggressive and he doesn't incite riots for fun, but when he puts on his special hat, he becomes a different person.  The transformation is sort of like Bruce Banner turning into the Incredible Hulk, save the super strength and rage.  Upon further reflection and consultation with my executive board, I have been made to realize that Flat Bill is nothing like Bruce Banner/the Incredible Hulk.  That is a good thing since the only thing Flat Bill can harm is his credibility and fashion sense.  Flat bill prison is a good first step to eradicating this growing problem.

Prison can only do so much good on its own.  That’s why AcMo is crowdfunding a campaign to bring back normal bills.  We can still save this one with your help.