The Cones

The nature of our track-based work has put us into contact with a lot of cones.  Some we know on a first name basis, but most are victims of vicious hit and runs somewhere near the apexes of turns.  Cones are resilient and do not have the memory capacity of elephants, so I think we’re still safe.

AcMo has been interested in expanding the utility of cones.  We want to expand their scope from their more routine traffic duties.  We have been attempting to experiment with various forms of cones of silence to create the perfect testing and production environment.

This is NOT our design.

We haven't been able to test our parabolic booth because the dome keeps falling on our test subjects.  That shouldn’t be a catastrophic glitch, but the dome is heavier than it looks.  Even our test dummies are afraid to eat at the silent table in the cafeteria now.  They were never designed to survive significant head trauma from above, and I think they know that.  I can’t test the cone when I sit at the table by myself.  One day I hope to find someone willing to eat with me who is either brave or not observant enough to notice the precariously perched dome hanging from the ceiling.  This project will remain theoretical until that time.

These personal non-cones of silence are perfect for the noisy office or plane cabin.  The transparent design allows for full visibility and the option to at least feign interest in the activities occurring around you.

This phone booth non-cone of silence would be perfect for all of the loud cell phone talkers who end up in my personal transport.  I just haven’t figured out how to make it fit in the vehicle so that it can still be driven without autopilot engaged all of the time.

Sometimes small cones grow into big cones.  Big cones are assigned all of the most hazardous duties.  Not every cone makes it back to base in one piece.  This is the case after every AcMo track weekend.  What we didn’t know is that killing cones comes with a heavy price.

The road swallowed this cone because it was hungry.  No cone should have to suffer such a terrible fate, but roads do have to eat.  It is far better that a cone be sacrificed than a person or whole car.  When a cone dies, the cone gator will eventually appear to avenge the death.  Had we known about the cone gator sooner, we would have put much more effort into staying on track.

We still don’t know a lot about the cone gator and its eating capacity, but I wouldn’t be surprised to learn it can eat small cars.  This thing is mean and protective of cones.  Next time you are about to run over a couple of cones remember that the cone gator will be waiting for you.  They like to hide just in front of guardrails and jump out at unsuspecting motorists to scare them into a crash.  Cone gators aren’t super-fast, so it is important they disable their prey before capture.

Our only encounter with the cone gator resulted in the loss of the front ¾ of a client’s vehicle that we can never recover.  We have been much more respectful of cones ever since that incident.  I can also tell you right now that insurance will not pay out on a cone gator claim.